Tag Archives: faith

happiness

Parents

I don’t think you ever get so old you don’t need your parents. The specific needs may change, but that relationship is (or should be) the first one you ever form with another person and are safe in the knowledge that they love you and would do anything to provide a safe and happy life for you. 

It’s the model my parents gave me as I was growing up. And although I miss my dad every day, I treasure the memories he left me with. I am beyond grateful that we are back home and I get to have a daily relationship with my mom again. We really all need each other – that tribe – to stay strong and to know love. 

I’m so grateful for the love, strength, and support my mom gives me every single day.  It reminds me to turn around and give that same gift to my kids and it all flows round in a circle of love. That is happiness. 

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Waterton memories 

Waterton has long been one of my favourite places. I first went there on a school trip when I was 9 and it’s had a special place in my heart ever since. 

In recent years it’s become a happy place the kids and I have shared. There is a certain kind of peace we find in those mountains that we can’t find anywhere else. 

So today, as our beautiful haven is on fire, we spent some time with our happy memories of a place we love. It’s a special place for many of my friends as I’ve noticed them putting up some of their favourite Waterton photos. 

Nature will heal itself, it always does. But in the meantime we pray for the people and animals in the way of the fire. And remember all the happy moments we have spent in this magical place. 

It is my happy place. 

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45 degrees 

In huge personal news, I lay down this morning to do some of my exercises and I was able to move my arm to about a 45 degree angle! This is a huge improvement from having no mobility at all after I broke it. There’s still not a lot of lateral movement and it still hurts like a fother mucker but it’s an improvement. 

Happy dances all around. 

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Small things, big changes

I got to share a little bit about what I’m learning and what I do with someone today. It is exciting to be able to share that more with people now and feel more comfortable as I keep moving ahead with it. 

I’m learning how to teach people how to change habits so that they can live a happier and healthier life. 

From small things big changes come. 

It’s happiness. 

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Fall changes 

It’s still 35C and I’m going to enjoy all that summer has left to offer.  There’s so much smoke that it’s hard to forget how badly we need moisture. 

I got my fall ‘do done today. I have the best stylist and she’s a good friend as well as being amazing at her craft. It’s always fun to catch up with her. And it’s even better to have someone help me feel better on the outside when I’ve been feeling kind of crummy on the inside. It brought me a much needed energy lift, and as an added bonus I had time to do some soul healing reading while I was getting the colour done. 

Both the appointment and the reading reminded me there is only love or fear and I need to choose which path I’ll walk. Timely given that my own personal source of evil has decided to go on the attack again. It’s important I handle it in a healthy way for me and for my kids. 

Here’s the fall look

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The smoky mountains

We took an impulse drive to Banff this afternoon – how lucky are we that this wonderland is so close to our home. The drive was a little more tiring than I had thought it would be – shoulder is not happy with me – but the trade off was giggles and smiles from my monsters all afternoon. I feel like we’ve missed out on a lot of that this last month and we need to dedicate this last weekend of summer to fun.

The drive was insanely smoky, but interestingly enough Banff has less smoke than we have here so we were able to walk around and enjoy the mountains and the town. Best of all, after the fire last winter the candy shoppe has reopened so the kids got to get a treat. Happy happy happiness.

I definitely feed off the energy of the mountains and every so often I need to stand surrounded by them – in a mountain hug – and recharge myself.

I had coffee with a friend this afternoon and we both agreed we need to be doing some rebalancing. Funny how it’s so much harder to get back to centre than it is to lose it. But we work together and hold each other up and step by step we get there.

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Change the story she tells herself

Probably one of the only good things about getting older is that it means that the angst filled years of being a teenager are getting further and further in my rearview mirror. The more I watch my daughter step onto this phase of life the more this is confirmed for me.

We had a minor tragedy at the mall today. She had been gifted a small sum by her nana to purchase whatever she wanted as a back to school treat- she’d be able to buy some earrings or a sparkly headband – or whatever tickled her fancy. However, somehow on the way from the car to the store the money got lost.

Her reaction was heartbreaking. She started beating herself up – saying how stupid she was, how she didn’t deserve the money in the first place, and how it was all her fault.

None of this is true. This girl is amazing, she’s got this amazing pure heart and will go out of her way time and time again to help out others.

But no matter how many times I told her this she wasn’t hearing it. She was playing the soundtrack over and over in her head that was telling her she had no value and that all bad things that happen is her fault. She burst into tears and said what do you expect me to think? I was told this over and over for all of my life until we left and came home. The aftermath of the chaos of her childhood, it’s hard when one of the people who is supposed to protect you tries instead to destroy you.

I tried telling the story of how amazing I think she is in many different ways, but it was making no difference. We drove to the grocery store and I grabbed some things for supper, then we went to Safeway to get one more thing. She was tired and sad and stayed in the car so I was by myself. As I came out there was a young guy sitting by the door, head down, holding a sign that said homeless- please give – anything helps.  I had $3 in my pocket and I walked over and gave it to him.

But, as I got into my car with my crying daughter, a backseat full of groceries, and prepared to head back to the home we love; I thought of two things:

One was how grateful I was that we had a tribe to pick us up and help us out when we were left with nothing.

The other was how weird it felt to drive home with so much food and leave this poor kid sitting outside with nothing.

So, I said to the girl that we were both going to get out of our funk, she was going to see what the real value of money was, and we were going to get him some supper. We went to Good Earth and got him a panini, a fresh cookie, and some iced tea. We went back to Safeway and both got out of the car and walked the supper to him. Jenna commented after Mom, did you see the look on his face? His eyes were so sad at first, then he looked like he couldn’t believe that we were doing that for him. I feel so different, even my tummy feels different. I’m glad we were able to do something nice for him.

And I reminded her that years ago we used to buy gift cards for food for some of the homeless people in Roanoke. I said this is who you are. This is the kind of heart you have. When you’re telling yourself who you are – this is it. You give to people, you help people, and you love people. Even when you feel like you’ve got nothing to give, there’s always some way you can help someone else. 

And she said yes – that’s true.

That is happiness. A deep, make me cry, love her so much, happiness.

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What I know 

I know nothing about how to ride western. I know how to grab onto the horn, I know it’s totally different from English, I know I’m not very good at it. 

I don’t really know why I spent most of the summer riding my green horse in my Western saddle instead of my English one. I kept thinking that I would learn I guess. And I kind of was, but it’s still not where I’m comfortable. Actually, before I smashed to the ground, I had switched back to English for a few rides and we both were happier. 

I’ll still learn how to ride Western – or at least how to hang on better in my saddle – but I remembered tonight how much I love jumping. It’s what I know. I love that adrenaline rush and the trust that comes with a really good jump. 

I was playing with Drishti and decided to do what I know. So I put together a really rough style jump and asked him what he knew. 

At first he was a little snorty, but still game to play. 

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By the end he was quite enjoying himself. This was about 2’6

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This is totally in my comfort zone. This is what I did forever. I know how to play with him with poles and fences. I know how to build up our trust and confidence doing stuff like this. 

And it’s fun. I love it. It’s happiness. 

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Slow it down 

One of the best things about life back at home is how we have been able to slow our pace and learn to appreciate the small things in life. That’s something we started to put in practice in Virginia, but it’s so much more enjoyable here at home. 

I was remembering today how before we left Rhode Island we went to walk around Walden Pond and see Thoreau’s cabin. Simplify simplify simplify. Our life back then seemed to be complicate complicate complicate. Slowly but surely we are learning to relax into stillness more and appreciate the small things in life. It’s part of why I love our house so much. It’s so simple, but there’s so much attached to it as well – our heritage, but it’s been our safe place. It’s full of love. 

The boy and I went to church today where they reminded us that when we are broken, instead of trying to fix ourselves (yep) that it’s essential to ask for help. I hate asking for help – but things happen every once in a while that put me in the position where I have to. It’s important to know how to both give and receive help. I needed that reminder. 

The boy made me laugh so hard this morning I was crying. I thought I’d rebroken my arm it hurt so much but I couldn’t stop laughing. We all need someone in our lives who is like that. He cracks me up and I feel so grateful that God put him in my life. He’s happiness 

I’m also grateful for this dude. He is teaching me a lot this year as well. Reminding me of who I used to be, and to keep working for the things I really want. 

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