Tag Archives: law of attraction

happiness

Our Lady Guadalupe

I was feeling a little down this afternoon when I headed out for my walk. I’m overtired which always makes my emotions feel that much more intense (and makes me that much more unable to deal with them).

One thing I have learned over this past year is that it is always possible to find happiness in each and every moment. The kicker is to remember to allow it and to look for it. I’ve had some pretty crappy things happen in 2015 and still, every day I sat down and thought about at least one moment that made me happy and left me feeling grateful in that day.

With that in mind but still carrying a little woe is me, I went for my walk around Old Town Albuquerque. It seems every time I explore there’s another little side walkway that I have not noticed before. This time I turned at a sign for a museum and instead ended up at the doorway of a small church. 

It was like God guided me here to remind me that He’s always there holding my hand. I needed that little reminder of love and support. I felt my heart lift and lighten as I walked in the doorway.  

Inside was this beautiful mural. I stood and looked at it for quite a while (I may have also cried in front of it for a bit, whatever. I thought I was done public crying at the end of 2015 but apparently that’s not the case). It made me feel so loved and warm and cared for just standing in this small but holy space.

  

Off to the side there was a small chapel and I walked to the front and stood at the cross and prayed for a little while. Mostly I just gave thanks for all of the blessings I have in my life. I have two beautiful children who make my world complete, I have a wonderfully strong and supportive family, I have friends who hold me up and laugh with me, I have that dog and those cats who fill my heart. I am a blessedly lucky person with all of the things that bring me joy and happiness.

Sometimes I just need that quiet space to remember how happy I am. I am so thankful I was guided into this little church. It was my happiness moment today.

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Those three little words 

Love, that magic that makes our hearts sing. There’s nothing quite like it. 

I have a double happiness moment for today, and they both revolve around love. 

The first was when I dropped my teen off at school. He gathered his things, got out of the car, reached back in for his coffee, and then said bye mom have a good day. I love you. And turned and walked away. I followed him in the car, rolled down the window and said did I hear what I thought I just heard? He smiled and said maybe. I don’t know what you’re talking about.  And turned and ran into school. Public acknowledgement that he cares. It doesn’t get much better than that. 

Jenna and I skipped errands and went for a hot chocolate after school. 

  She was delighted when it showed up with a heart on it. She snuggled up to me and said this better be your  happiness moment today mom, because it is mine. These moments with these beautiful people are so precious. I am so grateful for this kind of love. It is a great blessing to be attracting this positive vibe into my life. 

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Play fetch with me

Ella the Cat definitely lives life on her own rules. She has a strict close but no touching law that she forces us to abide by. That means we are allowed to be close to her, but we can’t touch her unless she deems it to be acceptable. 

Today she decided it was a day to play fetch. She has many little stuffed mice, but her favourite is a little torn up purple one. Everywhere I went today she followed and dropped the mouse beside me, then looked up with her big eyes, ready to play. She truly plays fetch and runs after the mouse and then brings it back and drops it by me. 

I did 90 minutes of yoga today (yummy) and every time I turned there was that little mouse. Ella climbed all over me meowing as she went play with me!

I did house work and course work and that mouse showed up everywhere I went. 

I am so grateful we attracted her into our lives. She was exactly who we needed (she won’t admit it, but she feels the same).  

  

 Playing with her is very therapeutic, I have to just drop everything and enjoy her having fun. It made for my happiness moment today.  

  

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Unbroken 

There have been events over the past few years that have almost broken me. I have had people whom I trusted smile to my face and then turn around and attempt to break me without a second thought. At the worst of the worst I was just-about-broken.

Then I had a realization that I still had some choices. I could stay as I was or I could start reaching for a better and happier life. It’s been a long haul and some unpleasant and really sad bumps on the road, but I’m a much better and stronger version of myself. I believe along this journey that my kids have become better and happier versions as well. We certainly laugh a lot more.

I had someone break a trust with me recently, nothing too serious, but someone whom I put my faith into lied to me and that left me hurt, mad, and upset. Fortunately it’s not someone that I have to have any further contact with and I can take this as a life lesson and move on.

What it has left me with though, is an appreciation for how wonderful those people who are in my inner circle, in my tribe, are. I am surrounded by people whom I can trust and depend on. I have people to laugh with, people to cry with, and people to share my life with.

In the shadow of this one unpleasant experience I have had many other beautiful ones shine though. I spent New Years Eve at a community party and visited with a lot of extended family that I haven’t really had a chance to see since we moved back home. I was amazed at how they went out of their way to include me, drawing me out of my shy, social awkwardness to share stories and laughter.

There certainly are a lot of wonderful, beautiful people in the world. I’m blessed to be surrounded by so many of them. I may have been just-about-broken but now what I am is unbroken.

My happiness moment was driving Jacob home from school today. We were laughing and he was sharing things that had happened during his day. We came around the corner on the road to be astounded by the sunset. I had to pull over to get a better look and Jacob said mom, I can’t believe we live here. It’s so beautiful. We are so lucky. And I totally agree.

Whenever I see the sunset or the sunrise I am reminded that there is a strong, loving force out there looking after us. Being here and looking at these mountains will make me happy for the rest of my life.


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Shopping with heart-felt happiness

Jenna and I had to go out and get some last minute things. The first stop I made was at a store owned by a dear old friend of mine (not old as in age – since she’s younger than I am…. but I have known her since I was about 8). I not only got a nice visit with her, but as a bonus I got to chat with her mother whom I haven’t seen in probably 20 years.

When we were getting ready to leave I said ugh, this was the fun part of the shopping, next we have to go to Save On, then into Calgary to Bon Ton (the meat store), and Chapters. It’s going to be so crazy busy I’m not in a rush to have to do that at all. She reminded me to take deep, healing, loving breaths and go in with heart felt happiness. She assured me that it would make for a much more pleasurable shopping experience.

Going in with that advice in mind, we headed off to Save On. Even though it was busy, people seemed pretty happy. I ran into my uncle and we got to have a little pre-Christmas chat which was a nice bonus. We scored a line with only one other person in it and were back in our car way before I had figured we would be.

I dropped Jenna at her grandma’s and headed to Bon Ton which I knew would be insane. Sure enough the line was to the door, but having no other option (since they had our turkey), I took my place and waited. Within 5 minutes I was being served by a very cheerful lady who happily rang in my purchase and ran around the counter to hand me the heavy bird.

Hmmmm maybe there’s something to this heart felt shopping…

Last stop was Chapters which I was sure was going to be a gong show. The store was packed, but I managed to score a parking spot right at the front! When I went in there was a clerk standing right beside the area where I needed assistance and then he took me over to a different till and I paid without having to wait in the huge, long line at the regular till.

Amazing how when you go into something with an open and loving heart that is so often what you are met with. There I was on one of the busiest days of the year for shopping, and I consistently had fantastic experiences. My happiness moment today.

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Life off the leash 

Years ago I put myself on a leash. I tried so hard to be the person that I thought other people wanted me to be, I  stifled a lot of the things that made me me.  Interestingly enough, the people I was trying to impress with by being someone other than myself either didn’t notice or weren’t impressed. Of course now I know that trying to be someone other than who I really am is an exercise in futility, but it took me a little while to get there.

The unfortunate byproduct of all of this sadly though was that over time of not being true to my self, I lost touch with who I really am. Thus years of anxiety, unhappiness, and tears.

One of the great things about this happiness journey that I am on is that I have started finding myself again. Not all of the stuff I’m finding is fantastic, but it’s all really me. And I’m happy about that.

It’s a beautiful day in Southern Alberta today. Apparently we are in a heat wave – experiencing above average temperatures. It isn’t beach weather, but it’s about +5C which for this time of year is pretty warm. I took the boy and the dog out on the ridge for a walk (I made it both times past where we scattered Dad’s ashes without breaking down in tears…. progress!). I listened to Jacob go on and on about the new Star Wars movie and I watched the dog run and jump in the snow.

Dottie looks like I feel. Poor Dottie had to live life on a leash for 8 years until we moved here where she has the freedom to run. She is an entirely different dog with all the freedom she has. As I’m letting go of the idea that I need to be anyone besides who I am (my leash), I’m feeling more and more like she looks.

Happy.

Freedom

My happiness moment today was walking with my kid and my dog along a ridge where my footprints have been hundreds of times before. I used to ride here, walk with Dad here, toboggan on the hill below here, and I know we have lots of new memories to make along the ridge. Off the leash.

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Be a part of the community, not apart from the community. 

For years we have been on the fringe of the community. Being an introvert, going out and meeting new people is not something that I look forward to, but when you are constantly the new person it’s a trait you have to develop. Even in places where I felt more settled and had more friends, I still felt a bit like an outsider. Perhaps if we had stayed put a bit longer I would have begun to feel more at home, but we were on the move pretty often.

Now that we are back home I notice that not only I, but the kids as well, feel like we are a part of the community. When we go out they see relatives and now friends as well and it gives them the sense of familiarity. Even though this was a “new” house that we moved to, it has so much family history that it gives us all a strong sense of grounding and belonging. I hear the kids talk about how they know they are home here and that they know it because so many of their relatives have also lived in this house.

No matter how independent we like to think we are, I believe that we all need a tribe of people in our lives to help hold us up in hard times and to help us celebrate the good ones. We have that here with family and old friends, but we also have that just by being in our community. I have been so touched by how many people have expressed concern for Jenna while she’s been sick these past few weeks. Those close to us of course keep pretty good tabs on her and are sending her well wishes all the time. But, there are people out in our community, in town, who are just used to seeing us out and about who also come over and express concern and love for her when they hear her coughing away.

The lady at our Save On came over and sat with her and offered her one of her cough drops and to tell her she hoped she was feeling better soon. She came to talk to me after and wanted me to know that she had offered it to Jenna just so I would be aware. I said I had been watching them, and how kind it was that she was showing such concern for my little bean.

Guy, the Guy from Guy’s Cafe spent a long time with us this afternoon writing down his home remedy for colds. He made her laugh and feel more comfortable, which was so kind because she’s so self conscious about her coughing away.

Even though sometimes it seems like we are one wave alone on the ocean, in reality we are all joined together by the depths of the sea. Ella (little miss close-but-no-touching) is learning this lesson as well. She has gone from wanting to kill her new brother and sister, to befriending at least Aladdin and accepting Abu (I think Abu and Ella are friends when we aren’t around though). Today I was sitting on the couch having my tea when I felt Aladdin snake around behind me and lie down. Next thing I knew there was a Fancy Tailed Ella in there cuddled up beside him. This is the first time she’s actually cuddled with one of the cats and it was so cute. Proof that we all need love from each other. No matter how much we think we can, or are told we should do it alone, we are better when we have a tribe of loved ones helping us along.

My happiness moment today is a celebration of being a part of our community. Having loved ones close by, knowing that we will look out for them and they for us. Life is good.

 

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Eat, Pray, Love, Big Magic

Elizabeth Gilbert’s book Eat, Pray, Love was gifted to me by a friend in Montreal when we were in the process of moving to Rhode Island. It was a time of huge transition for me and I devoured the book, for the first time really understanding that one could seek out their own path to happiness.

I was still in the mindset that my happiness would come from the outside, the concept that it was an inside job was one that would take me years to fully grasp. I mean, honestly, even now I sometimes wish for a magic pill that would instantly make me happy, thin, and rich. I had two small children at the time and I was so insanely jealous of this woman who could quit her life and travel the world to find her happiness. I mean, I loved the book, I learned a lot from it, but I wanted her happiness journey, and I knew there was no way that was possible for me in that moment and time.

I’ve pulled the book out a few times over the years and reread it. It’s still one of my favourite books, and I love reading about how she made her life a happier one.  My understanding of my own path to happiness has changed as I’ve grown and I get now that no matter what, my happiness journey would be different than hers because I’m my own unique individual (as is she). But, the very idea that we can take a time out and find ourselves has stayed with me as time has passed.

On this amazing path that I am on now I am so blessed because things continue to come to me at the exact time that I need them. Like magic or something. I understand how I’m attracting better and better things into my life, but I’m also learning to have faith that even when I can’t see those things that they are there for me. Faith in that which I can see is easy, faith in the invisible has been much more of a learning process.

I wrote yesterday about feeling like I’m on the edge of this cliff ready to jump off into a new spiritual quest. Elizabeth Gilbert’s new book Big Magic reached the edge of my consciousness yesterday (and then into my Kindle),  and is answering questions about issues that I’ve been using as excuses to take the leap. It’s like she knew what I’ve been sitting here fretting about and wrote a book just for me.

Fear has often been a key decision maker in my life. I have either done or not done countless things because I’ve been driven by fear. In the time that I’ve dedicated my life understanding my anxiety and letting go of those panic feelings, I’ve still struggled about what to do about my deepest darkest fears. I want to stand on this cliff, drop all my fears and leap fearless into the exciting, unknown, future. But… the fear… it holds me back…

She offered a completely new perspective on how to handle this fear. In fact she says: Creativity is a path for the brave, yes, but it is not a path for the fearless, and it’s important to recognize the distinction. Bravery means doing something scary. Fearlessness means not even understanding what the word scary means.

I hadn’t thought about the difference between being brave and being fearless. I have discovered in the past couple of years that I am, in fact, quite brave…. and also that I am not fearless. So… hmmm… maybe that’s a good thing?

She goes on to talk about how when she begins a new creative endeavour, she takes fear along for the ride; accepting that it is part and parcel of a new beginning:

So, I don’t try to kill off my fear. I don’t go to war against it. Instead I make all that space for it. Heaps of space. Every single day. …. It seems to me that the less I fight my fear, the less it fights back. If I can relax, fear relaxes too. In fact, I cordially invite fear to come along with me everywhere I go.

I was reading my book feeling completely dumbstruck. So…. I could technically take this leap of faith while taking fear along with me then? It isn’t a personal failure that I’m still scared of stuff (failing being one of them)? I just have to make room for my fear, but not let it be in the driver’s seat making life decisions for me?

I decided a while ago that I was done making fear based decisions. But then it was almost like I was too afraid to make a decision just in case I was making one out of fear… (vicious cycle – I over think things too much). I think maybe I could convince fear to just sit in the back seat and come along for the ride, but maybe he could be a bit quieter? And he absolutely needs to let me be in charge of the map.

My happiness moment today was having the time to sit and read some of this book. To absorb in what she was saying that was speaking to exactly where I am in life. I am *so* close to leaping off. In fact I think I may have already let go with one foot and the other one is just about to fly…

 

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Shifts and changes

It’s seems as though it’s time for changes both inside and out. There is no more ignoring the fact that the season has changed. The leaves are long gone, the grass has gone brown, there is frost on the ground and the car in the mornings, and now… as I mentioned yesterday, the swans are here.

it’s a terrible picture, but it was taken with my iphone as I ran after them down the ramp towards the highway. I didn’t want to upset them by getting any closer, and of course I didn’t have a better camera with me.

I have hundreds of photos that Dad sent me of the swans. He really loved it in the spring and fall when they would come stay at the slough for a while before continuing on on their migratory path.

So, it’s bittersweet. When Dad died the swans were still here, it was the beginning of spring, there was new life all around. It’s harder to see them now, but it is a reminder that life goes on, and I must too.

Even though it fills me with sad feelings of missing Dad, I still love the swans. I love them for themselves, the beautiful and graceful birds that they are. I love them because they fill me with happy memories of us all rushing out to see them and to stand and watch as they swam on the slough and flew in the field above us. I am happy because we can still do that and we can share it with each other now.

I’ve been doing lots of energy work, and am happy that I’m finally able to clear some pretty big energy blockages that I’ve had stored deep inside for a long, long time. It’s time to let things to, and to let flow and joy back into all areas of my life. It’s exhausting work sometimes, but I feel lighter and stronger and happier because of it. More and more I am seeing that I am attracting good things into my life.

My happiness moment today came when I finally understood a key part of my Ayurveda course. I’ve been struggling with this for ages and no matter how many ways I looked at it, it just wasn’t making sense. All of a sudden today *bing* something shifted and now I understand it. I had to do a little happy dance around – what a great feeling!

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It comes shining back 

I had to deal with the government again today about Jenna’s passport. Since Christmas, it seems as though every time I go to the passport office I burst into tears. This happened partly because I was in a weakened and emotional state, and partly because the man I was dealing with was pretty much a power hungry bully. This time however, I was going to a different office and dealing with different people so I had hopeful expectations. A few weeks ago, when I had first applied for her passport somehow our birth certificates had got mixed up and mine was sent in instead of hers. When they called to tell me this, we were heading into the thanksgiving weekend when everything was closed. The next week I went one time and forgot my reference number, I went again and was told they were 3 hours backed up and were closing in an hour and a half.

So, I tried again today. I’ve been really focusing on the intention of putting kindness and love energy into the world and I’m discovering in so many ways how it is coming back to me. I arrived at their office and was brought in to be helped in under 5 minutes. The lady was very kind and together we made sure everything was done correctly this time.

I walked out feeling a huge sense of relief and gratitude that something that previously had been unpleasant had now been reprogrammed in me as an easy experience.

This afternoon when I picked up Jacob from school he handed me a card. He said “here, this is for you, you’re in trouble” and smirked. Great…. what is this???? I opened it and it was a thank you card signed by all the students and the teacher because I went and helped supervise on a field trip last week. Never in all the times I’ve volunteered have I received a card. It was so thoughtful and touching. I was really impressed.

Then I realized how all the positive energy I’ve been focusing both inwards and out into the world are starting to shine their way back into my life. I’m so grateful for that. It’s nice to be smiling in the light instead of crying in the darkness. My happiness moment today.

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