Tag Archives: law of attraction

happiness

All the Whos down in Whoville

I was having a difficult time keeping my smile on this morning. I’m not exactly sure why it was more of a challenge today, I guess sometimes I’m just more a bit more emotional than others. Learning to live in those emotions has been a difficult lesson for me, but an enlightening one. I’m discovering how to honour that whatever feeling I’m experiencing is real and that it also won’t last forever (the kids say I cried all of 2015 so hopefully that part will begin to taper off).

I feel like I haven’t even been able to really process my last life crisis and yet here I find myself smack in the middle of another one.

I remember listening to Dad last spring when he was talking about his quest to find his spirituality. He was so concerned that he wasn’t able to focus on it the way he wanted to. I reminded him of a conversation we had had the winter before where he had told me that he was so glad he had the time then to really meditate and get closer to God. He felt he was building up reserves that would be able to carry him through times when he didn’t have the energy to do that.

I kind of feel like all the time and energy I have spent over the past few years building myself up from my broken self was so that I would be strong enough to face all the challenges this past year has brought me. I am so thankful that I decided to start this happiness journey. To now have the skills and the ability to look for happiness in every moment, no matter what life is throwing at me allows me to live in joy even when there is sadness around.

When I went to meditate this morning I had this image of the Whos in Whoville singing around their Christmas tree come to me very strongly. No matter how I tried to focus back on my mantra or drop it from my mind, all I could see were those Whos.


I feel kind of like the Grinch has tried to steal Christmas from me lately. That image was a good reminder to me that the things that are really important when all is said and done can’t be stolen or taken away. I stand in this time of huge uncertainty with a lot of fear and anticipation, but I know in the deepest part of my soul that all of the things that are really good about my life can’t be taken away from me. I will stand around that tree with a kid’s hand grasping mine on either side and we will sing and be joyful whether the presents are there or not.

Years ago I read a book called Take the Step, the Bridge Will Be There. And I just have to have faith now that with each step I take that the next one will show up in front of me. I find surrendering a very difficult thing to do and seem to be only able to do it when there are no other options left. This past year I feel like I’ve had a lot of opportunity to practice (sigh).

My happiness moment was the ray of light that was left after my meditation. The understanding that we will be ok, that everything will work out, and that I love and am loved by those two kiddos so deeply nothing will ever change that.

 

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Tea for Two

I love it when I wake up and know in advance that I will have at least one happiness moment to be excited about in the day. Even though we have been back home for almost a year, I still have a small list of friends with whom I have not been able to have a really good sit down visit. Pathetic I know, but when you combine a really busy life with my being a socially awkward introvert, it’s amazing I ever get together with anyone. I am remembering now that I’m back around my tribe how very important it is for me to actually get out with friends and talk and laugh and share.

This afternoon I met with a dear old friend that I have not had a really good visit with in years – like since our kids were all in diapers. Since coming back I have run into her at the grocery store a couple of times which was a great way to have a quick catch up, but nothing like what sitting down over a cup of tea and sharing will do for the soul.

I’m so grateful for this friendship. We are unlikely friends in that we are different in so many ways. And yet, since the first time I met her we have had this strong bond that has drawn us together. Generally I have a really difficult time opening up with people, and she’s one of those very rare people with whom I know I can safely share absolutely anything.

We had a wonderful two hour tea (which turned out to be much too short), and we shared where our lives have gone over the past 10 years since we last visited. Had we shared back then where we thought we would be right now I don’t think either of us would have predicted the paths our lives have taken. It is such a gift to have someone that you can reflect on your journey with – someone who just listens without judgement and shares their own in the same manner.

We left our visit having decided that the time has come for our families to tighten our bond. Her husband is the godfather of my Jenna and they don’t know each other at all. But, now that we are living in the same town and travelling on similar life paths, all of that can be rebuilt.

There are so many gifts that are coming out of what seemed to be such an uncertain and scary time. It helps me so much to know that I have so many people now with whom I can share my journey with – in happiness and in sorrow. That support of the tribe makes the trip so much more enjoyable. A beautiful happiness moment shared over a cup of tea.

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Dancing with myself

I used to love to dance. I don’t dance well and usually do it only in the privacy of my own home, but I used to love to do it. I remember dancing in my bedroom as a teen to Duran Duran, Boy George, and mostly Billy Idol. I loved Billy Idol (still do). Even my pony Pirate loved Billy Idol and we were often listening to his music while running around together in the arena. Pirate was a little blonde bad ass punker-rebel so he really fit the part.

When the kids were little I used to dance with them all the time. With Jacob it was usually more kid appropriate music, with Jenna it tended to be more Black Eyed Peas and Lady Gaga (her choices). We would dance and dance and laugh and spin and enjoy each other.

Then some life stuff happened and all of a sudden dancing made me sad. I think it made me sad because it used to bring me so much joy and then when I was doing it all I could see was how unhappy life was. So I stopped. I’ve tried off and on to dance again, but there’s always been this underlying feeling of sadness lingering there.

Tonight I put Billy Idol on the Iphone and danced and twirled and sang (as badly as I dance) and really enjoyed myself. The direct result of this quest for happiness is that happiness is finding me. More and more there are happy and joyful moments. Even when surrounded by uncertainty, there is so much happiness and hope and love. Billy Idol… my happiness moment.

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A mind – full meditation

My meditation practice is still a work in progress. Meditation is something that I have been drawn to and curious about since discovering that I love yoga. But it’s also something I’ve been hesitant to do and slow to love.

I flirted a bit with it over the years, but it wasn’t until I became a student of New World Ayurveda that it actually became a part of my daily routine. And, let’s be honest here, a lot of the time it only is part of that routine because it’s a graduation requirement. Sometimes I like it, a lot of the time I hate it, often I am bored by it, always I feel better because of it.

When I first started I was so filled with anxiety that I couldn’t do more than a few minutes before having a panic attack. My body and soul was in such distress that I couldn’t take that quiet time. It took a lot of time and a lot of determination to keep going and get through that.

Interestingly, now as a byproduct of all that hard work (and some other things learned through Ayurveda), I barely think about anxiety at all anymore. I’ve made such enormous changes in my life and I’m hardly ever anxious.

However, usually I still struggle through my meditation practice. I’ll be focusing on my mantra and then instead of slipping into the blissful state I feel I should be heading towards, my mind goes to….. hmmmm what should I have for lunch? Did I get the kids all the things they needed for school? Is the dog going through the garbage? She’s such a naughty dog. I should take her for a walk, I hear the cats moving around, is there a mouse in the house? I’m hungry. Is this almost over? Why am I not all blissful? And then some real life problems are always mixed in.

I meditate for 20 minutes at a time. When I’m getting ready to meditate, I wish that I could maybe only do 5 or 10 minutes… but the course says I have to do 20. Grumble grumble. But, it’s not until the last 5 or so minutes when my brain usually lets go of all its crap and I relax into a proper state.

Today’s meditation was a wild ride. Unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. I’m focusing on letting go, allowing, trusting, loving, listening to my heart. It’s all very challenging for me as I have a hard time trusting and because of that a hard time allowing. Although I am also painfully aware that I never am able to actually accomplish anything positive by forcing and controlling. I know the only way to get where I want to be is by surrendering and allowing.

Today though everything just went into this beautiful space and I was able to let things go and find a lot of freedom and peace. It was a beautiful moment in time that created an incredible amount of healing and strength for me. That was my happiness moment today.

 

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Alberta Bound

I have a happiness playlist on my phone that I listen to almost constantly. The songs are many and varied, but for different reasons they all bring me happiness when I listen to them.

A year ago the song that was played over and over was Alberta Bound by Paul Brandt. By that time we have been away from home for over 10 years, Dad was so sick, and I was desperate to be back among my people. We had decided the fall of of 2014 that the kids and I would be able to return home June 2015, but I was filled with uncertainty about how that would happen and if it would happen before it was too late for Dad.

I was listening to the song again today and thinking of what I was doing a year ago right now, still living in Virginia, still so uncertain, and alone, and homesick. I played Alberta Bound continuously as I prayed that somehow we would safely return back to our tribe. I remember sitting on the floor of our kitchen repeating the words over and over

I’m Alberta Bound
This piece of heaven that I’ve found
Rocky Mountains and black fertile ground
Everything I need beneath that big blue sky
Doesn’t matter where I go
This place will always be my home
Yeah I’ve been Alberta Bound for all my life
And I’ll be Alberta Bound until I die

Somehow I figured if I repeated it often enough it would make it happen.

And then it did. Things got quickly worse with Dad and I knew that if we didn’t come back right away we would not make it in time. We packed our essentials, left the rest of the packing in the good care of my friend to supervise (and later my husband to ship) and we left. Alberta bound.

We made it in time to spend two and a half months with Dad before he died. I will be forever grateful for that time that strengthened our family for what was to come.

 Back home again. The barn built by my grandpa  
Now we live in the house that was built by my great-grandparents, beside the barn built by my grandpa ( I can see it when I look out the kitchen window. That is happiness). We have our tribe all around us, we are firmly grounded in our roots, and I can see horses in the field (you have no idea what that does for my soul). This place has always been my home and I am so thankful that we are back here. We need the love and the support of our family and friends, and we are so blessed to be blended back in with them again.

Today on my drive home from the morning school drop off I had to pull off a couple of times to admire the beauty of where I live. It was a gratitude filled happiness moment.

  Those amazing Rocky Mountains. I never get enough of them. 

  

Machinery in the hay valley by our house  
 

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Apple Care

I spent a long time today on a chat with the customer service people at Apple Care. I have a few things that I needed assistance with regarding my account – one of them being that I’m finally switching from US to Canada. After 8 years of downloading all of our shows, apps and music I wanted to make sure I was doing the transfer properly.

I ended up having to get the assistance of two different people, and I was so impressed with their help and their patience. They went out of their way to make sure I understood what to do, and provided me with a lot of assurance that things were going the right way (there was more to it than just a country switch). Actually, every single time I’ve had to deal with Apple customer service (and I’ve done some really dumb things to my computer that I’ve had to humbly go in and get help with), they have always been so great about not only fixing the problem, but making me feel not embarrassed at all by whatever happened that led me to needing their assistance.

I am always so impressed with the random kindness of strangers. There is a lot of good and love out there and I’m discovering that as I focus on those things I’m attracting a lot more of it into my life. I left my chat session with a smile on my face, feeling deep gratitude for the way they had worked through my issue with me. My happiness moment.

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The whole night through 

Last night I was feeling exhausted and I went to bed early. In my perfect life I’m asleep by 9, although the last little while it’s been a bit later. Last night though I was sound asleep by 8:00. I woke up at 5:00am completely unsure as to whether it was morning or not. I couldn’t believe it when I checked my clock. I usually have difficulty sleeping through the night.

 I have a great bedtime routine learned through Ayurveda, but I find that pain usually wakes me up once or twice and makes me move around a bit. As I’ve been making changes, letting go of stress and things that no longer serve me, I’ve been relaxing more and that pain is lessening. 

I slept the whole night through. I felt amazing and that early happiness moment set me up for the rest of the day. I am never sure where this path I’m on is heading, but I’m sure enjoying walking along it. I feel like finally I’m attracting all the love and joy I have been seeking. 

God gave me a good morning high five in the form of this lovely sunrise. This was the view from my front door. 

  

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I’m on my way

I live my life through theme songs. The one that has been showing up for me lately is The Proclaimers I’m on my way. It sums up how this past year of mindfully walking my path towards happiness has been. I’m on my way from misery to happiness today (uh -huh uh-huh u-huh uh-huh yeah). I may not be at my final destination of bliss, but I’m on my way. I’m a lot farther down the path than I was a year ago.

I had a moment of gratitude for my life as I was driving home from the school drop off this morning. I am so happy to be living back in the fold of my family and my tribe.

the view on my morning commute today

God blessed me with a spring like day today. It was 10C for most of the day, and even though it was a Chinook, it wasn’t that windy where we are. I got to celebrate my birthday in the sun and with loved ones surrounding me.

Jenna asked me what my happiness moment today was and I was trying to describe how I felt about the day to her. She said so, what I’m hearing from you mommy is that you’re happy because you have so many people around who love you and are kind to you and make you feel happy and safe. That pretty much sums it up. My happiness moment is just that. I have attracted an awesome tribe that surrounds and supports me from both near and afar (I love my birthday on Facebook. It’s always so heart warming to receive all the happy birthday wishes from friends and family whom I’m not able to see in person).

My people also have a great sense of humour. This card from my cousin created laughter that came right from the belly. I am so incredibly thankful for the people I have in my life that hold me up and make me laugh.

My thought as I move into this new year is that I’m on my way. I’m really such a better version of myself. I’m happier, I’m more capable of dealing with life’s ups and downs, I’m safe and secure surrounded by an awesome tribe of people.  All of that makes me more able to share love and kindness – to create safety and peace for those around me.

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And so the sun sets on this year 

Tonight is my personal New Year’s Eve as I finish off another trip around the sun. A year ago tomorrow I began my journey to happiness with this blog. When I go back to the early days of my happiness journey I am struck by how much things have changed. I was so desperately seeking happiness, but I was so lonely and afraid and unhappy. Now I am surrounded by loved ones, less afraid, and so much happier. I love my life being back home, grounded into our roots, secure in the love of our family and friends.

There has been much joy over the past year, reuniting with old friends, strengthening bonds with family, walking happily out in the fields at the ranch, and living in a place that makes my soul feel complete. There has also been a lot of sorrow, losing my dad, and learning to let go and surrender (still working on that one).

Through it all, I am filled with immense gratitude. I have a blessed life and I am surrounded by wonderful and loving people.

I had three happiness moments today. First I heard Jacob describe his day of snowboarding at Nakiska with his school. It was his first time on the slopes and it seems to have been a resounding success. Secondly, my nephew had his surgery and is back home recovering. Thirdly, I had some wonderful visits with family that made me feel strengthened and loved. I am so thankful for my tribe.

 

 

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My hummingbird charm 

The other day I wrote about the little chapel I discovered while out walking around Old Town Albuquerque.  For some reason I was really drawn to that space. I had been feeling kind of upset and just being there had really calmed me and brought me back to feeling peaceful and grounded.

Yesterday I was wandering about looking for little souvenirs to take back for the kids and I came across a small hummingbird charm. Hummingbirds and I seem to be very drawn to each other. I am fascinated by their small size and yet their ability to travel long distances, the way they fight with each other (way more aggressively than I would have thought), and their simple beauty. The charm was only $2.50 and for some reason I was compelled to purchase it. It came with a little quotation about the spiritual meaning of a hummingbird:

When you see a hummingbird it is very lucky indeed,

because it is known as a healer if you’re ever in need

Despite its small size it flies great distances and even flies backwards too.

A reminder to have faith and enjoy all that you do.

It seemed to be a perfect reminder of where I was at in my life right now. Learning to have faith and enjoy what I’m doing is kind of my theme at the present moment.  I bought him, the lady put him in a tiny ziploc bag and I brought him back to the hotel. For some reason last night I moved him over to my purse, even though I intended to pack him in the suitcase. As I looked at my little bird in the bag, I thought about how he looked like he was suffocating the way he was locked inside that plastic. I felt upset about this, but I wasn’t quite sure what to do about it. I didn’t want to take him out and lose him, I had planned to put him with my special rocks at home.

However, when I was standing inside the chapel today looking at the small gifts and letters that other people had left there, I was compelled to take my little bird out and place him with the other offerings. I sat for a while holding him, seeing how I felt about leaving him there. All of my feelings seemed to guide me to the realization that this was where he was supposed to be. For whatever reason my little hummingbird did not need to go home with me, he needed to stay right there in that chapel.

So, I found a nice little spot for him in a pinecone, said a prayer of gratitude and I left.

My moment of happiness today.

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