Tag Archives: yoga

happiness

Yoga Bliss

I wrote the other day about how doing yoga has made me a better person, albeit not a more flexible one. Since then I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what it was that really drew me to the practice of yoga in the first place. Mostly it was the way it calmed me and made my soul happy. When I would really get into it I wasn’t as bothered by the fact that that I don’t bend as well as I want to because my spirit would just feel so good.

I was really good and faithful about my practice before I fell into my dark night of the soul years. I’ve struggled as I’m finding myself again to really develop a solid routine that makes me feel good.

I realized that maybe I’m doing the wrong kind of yoga these days. Now, I’m doing my Healing Light Yoga Therapy, which is a completely different kind of practice. One that is so important to my emotional and spiritual well being. But, it’s not something I do on a daily basis. It’s something I need to do in addition to some kind of regular yoga practice.

I had to sit down quietly and think about what it is that I want from yoga. What I came up with was that I needed to go to Kripalu. Lovely, but not really possible at this moment in time. So, I had to think what is it about Kripalu that makes me feel so good?  (ummmm everything) and what can I do here to replicate that feeling.

Lightbulb went off.

On several of my visits to Kripalu I have been fortunate enough to have attended a class led by Rudy Peirce. The way he leads a class made me fall in love with yoga in the first place. Yoga based on compassion and love. Every time I have done one of his classes I feel so much better about everything.

He has some CDs that he sells and I had bought a couple of them on a visit to the Berkshires years ago. I loaded a class on my phone (they’re audio) and spent some time this morning reconnecting with my spiritual practice of yoga.

I felt so much better when I was done. This morning I had felt really anxious and ungrounded and when I was finished my yoga I felt more like myself again. There is something about his voice and the way he so calmly and patiently guides one through the poses that calms me down. I knew it was working because Ella the Yoga Cat showed up on my mat and purred her way though most of the class. She only does that when she’s really feeling the bliss.

My happiness moment was the wonderful feeling I had after my class this morning. I need to keep attracting all that love and bliss into my soul so that I have more of it to shine back out into the world.

As a bonus happiness moment, Jenna spent the entire ride into school this morning looking out the window of the car at the moon shining brightly with Venus underneath it . I love how being in this space is getting us more and more in tune with nature.

   

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happiness

Because I do yoga 

I love almost everything about yoga. I love how it makes me feel, I love how it stretches my body, I love the spiritual connection it brings me. About the only thing I don’t love about yoga is the fact that I’m really bad at it. Which is also one of the things I kind of like about it (but not all the time, a lot of the time I just wish I was super bendy and twisty and that the asanas came easily to me).

I grew up doing competitive sports, and usually I was pretty good at them. Competition is fierce in our family – family game night is not for the faint of heart. While I like to win, part of me enjoys the mellowness of yoga and just being in my body and compassionately allowing it to be how it is for the day. Well, except for when I get pissed off that after all this time I still can’t do the poses the way that I want to.

This evening I was walking from the parking lot towards a store with Jacob and I missed the fact that there was a curb up to the sidewalk. I tripped on it and as Jacob said flailed around like a dying goose about to hit the ground. I had arms going every which way and my head almost hit the ground not once, but twice. I felt a little bit like this guy, but without being quite as cool:

 

 

And of course because it was a Friday night in December the parking lot was full,  so lots of people got to see me in all my glory.

Jacob stood there and laughed and laughed at me. He laughed so hard that the mom who was ahead of us with her teenage son turned around to make sure I was ok and to give him a little bit of a mom glare. He looked at her, and then looked at me, and said Oh come on mom, if that had been me you would have laughed just as hard. And of course he was right, I would have. Actually even just thinking about how funny he would have looked is enough to make me laugh. So, fair enough…

As we were walking into the store he looked at me and said I honestly can’t believe you didn’t face plant right into the sidewalk mom. I have no idea how you managed to get back up. To which I responded (without thinking about it) it’s because I do yoga. And I was totally right. The fact that I do practice yoga almost daily is the reason why I was able to regain my balance. I may not be good or flexible, but yoga brings a lot of balance into my life. Balance that I can see, and balance that is invisible, but that I can feel. Like the fact that I’m not filled with anxiety, or that I feel like I’m getting grounded again, and that I’m deepening my spiritual relationship.

That was a funny moment and a happiness moment all wrapped up in one.

I had a beautiful happiness moment this morning with the kids as we were heading out the door for school. It was pretty dark, but very clear this morning. We stood for a few minutes and admired the barn silhouetted by the dawn light. I love it here, it’s good for my heart to be in a place that brings me joy and contentment.

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Yoga for the soul 

Discovering yoga was one of the best things that has happened to me. I consider myself very lucky because I have had wonderful people come into my life to guide my practice.

When we lived in Quebec, the mom of one of Jacob’s friends opened a yoga studio. She taught a wonderful gentle yoga class that was exactly what my body needed. She was so kind and welcoming, it made it such a safe and loving way to begin my practice.

When we moved to Rhode Island, my husband gifted me a weekend at Kripalu which was where I fell madly and deeply in love with how yoga made me feel. Kripalu yoga is exactly the kind of yoga I need to do. it does not care that I carry so much tension, or that I am not flexible, or that I am self-conscious.  It is slow and gentle, it is built on compassion, and for me it is very spiritual. The only other thing that has brought me closer to God is time on the back of a horse.

Sometime after I began my studies with New World Ayurveda, they started offering Healing Light Yoga Therapy. It was my first introduction to Asrael, who has become a very important guide and mentor. The sixth session of yoga classes began last weekend, and I was finally able to do the recorded version this morning.

It’s a pretty cool way to do a yoga class, she leads it online and we follow along at home. There is an amazing feeling of being bonded to the other people in the class even though many miles separate us. That energy knows no bounds. There’s a recorded version on their website so if you miss the live class (like I did) then you can do it at your own convenience.

I was thinking about what these classes have done for me. When I first started my anxiety was so intense I could barely function. I was actually really happy that the yoga class was online. Aside from the fact that it made it easier to fit into the day (with two kids and a busy schedule), being in the comfort of my own room meant that my general anxiety was lessened. Of course I was soon to discover that Asrael’s voice is it’s own kind of valium for calming my stress. My cat Ella agrees, anytime she hears her voice she comes and purrs beside the computer or the phone – which strongly violates her don’t let people know I like them rule.

Now I go for long periods (I mean usually days) where I don’t even remember that anxiety played such a huge role in my life. Before this it was an issue that had brought me to my knees and affected every single thing I did in my life.  A lot of factors have come into play to help with my healing – a big portion coming from my Ayurveda studies, my private sessions with Asrael, and these yoga classes.

I do practice my own breathing to calm and ground myself, but it so much easier for me to get to that groovy feeling when I am being guided. I was so happy today when I was lying on my mat and being reminded of how to take the big healing breaths.

This type of yoga is one that nourishes my soul. It feeds me on all levels and I consider it one of the most important parts of my healing and my growth. It’s not always easy, sometimes really yucky things get released, but it is always worth it. It may take a bit of time, but there is always a good feeling – right to the core of my being – that comes from these classes.

Today my happiness moment was lying on that mat breathing healing light into my soul.
Photo from the New World Ayurveda Healing Light Yoga Therapy site

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Cat and mouse games. 

With the unstructured life we lived in the summer, Ella the cat and I fell out of our routine of playing fetch in the morning. She also had stopped joining me in my morning yoga stretches  

Ella being very uncooperative as I try and take her picture.    
Aladdin being posing for the camera. He didn’t want to be left out. 

 The last couple of days as the kids have finally settled into their school routines, Ella has decided it is time to revive our old game. Fortunately for her, Abu and Aladdin don’t seem to care about her precious mice at all. Although Aladdin is starting to show some interest only because Ella is so obsessed with them. 

Playing fetch with Ella became part of our morning routine pretty much right after she adopted us last year. It is something I really enjoy- a good bonding time with her as well as a quiet mind time for me. 

I realized today that being back in our routines is a good thing. Because of new school times, Jacob and I have an hour in the morning together. We go to Tim Horton’s and order the cheapest drink we can get and sit together and visit. It’s quickly becoming a favourite part of the day. A chance to have quiet one on one time with my teen. 

Because we are eating at a better time we are cooking in a more structured manner. Tonight being Friday we had our traditional pizza night. It was wonderful all of us being in the kitchen together cooking the meal. 

We are getting to bed earlier and are better rested. Again a bonus to the routine. 

Before starting to study arurveda I was not as good about followijg a routine. Now that I am so used to following my Ayurvedic routine I find our whole household is a much happier and healthier place. 

My happiness moment today was when Ella dropped her toy mouse on my yoga mat and sat and stared at me until I sat up and threw it for her. She knew it was time to pick up our old habits and structure ourselves again. Much as I like to claim to be a free spirit, our house needs a certain amount of structure in order to thrive. 

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Tears from heaven 

I’m finding as I move further into my understanding of who I am (with the help of my Ayurvedic studies, my meditation, my yoga, my increasingly closer relationship with The Source) that I am loving my sacred quiet morning times more and more. They are what gets me on my path for the day ahead and the more relaxed and at peace I can be when I start off, the better my entire day is.

This is how we started the morning on our terrace at the Tamaya Resort, so quiet and peaceful and warm. 

After helping Mom get ready for her course I headed back out along my Sunflower Path to clear my head and stretch my legs. As I began walking I was impressed with how quiet my head was. I was congratulating myself on how unstressed and uncluttered I was as I strolled along. Of course, no sooner did those thoughts come than my emotions were all like oh yeah? You think you’re all zen? Here, let me show you what’s really going on inside. And suddenly I was filled with rage.

By the time I realized how completely angry I was, I was at the halfway mark which looks out over the river towards the mountains and towards one of Dad’s sunflowers. So, I stood there and mind raged at the Dad-sunflower. 

Now, it was cloudy when I left for my walk, but I’d been out for about a half hour and although it was a bit chillier than I had thought, it was just overcast.

As I reached the peak of my mind-yelling at sunflower-Dad I started crying. Thank goodness I’m getting more comfortable with this whole bawling my eyes out in public thing (it helped that the path was quiet and I had this space to myself) because my eyes really let ‘er rip with those wet tears.

I was standing there bawling with a huge rock on my chest and a big lump in my throat as my mind-yelling turned into deep sorrow and I realized I was more really sad than really angry. At this exact moment it started to rain. Tears from heaven.  I stood there crying in the rain for a few minutes just allowing all the emotion to flow out of me and into the rain, into the river, and towards sunflower-Dad.

Then I was done and so was the rain. I felt the weight leave my heart and clear my throat. As these grief and sorrow feelings flowed away, the rain stopped. I waved to sunflower-Dad and walked back to the path to finish my walk. The second half of my walk was lined with the rest of the sunflowers and I had the strong feeling it was Dad reminding me that I wasn’t alone.

When I came back to the room I turned on the TV to listen to while I organized things. The channel was on The Doctors and they had some guy on talking with Vicki from RHOBH. She lost her mother a few months ago and she was getting messages from her through this medium. Then he went on say that so often people who have passed on are trying to contact us, but that we have to remain aware of the signs.

I smiled and thought how much I appreciated that Dad made his signs pretty easy for me to see. But, he loved us like that – he would try and make it as easy as possible for us.

I turned off the TV, rolled out my yoga mat and spent some time in quiet body stretching reflection.

My happiness moment: my tears joining with Dad’s tears from heaven. Because happiness isn’t always rolling on the floor belly laughing. Sometimes it comes from a deeper place in the soul.

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Giggles 

Today’s happiness moment happened when I was upstairs doing yoga. I was lying  on my mat, stretching into good feelings when I heard thumping and banging and giggles coming from downstairs. Jenna and her cousin were playing together in the family room. We have so much smoke here from the Washington fires that going outside isn’t all that enjoyable. 

I heard them giggling and bouncing all the way through my practice and during my meditation. When I finally came downstairs I discovered they’d made a survival course made of cushions through the “lava” on the floor – yet another use for our indestructible red carpet. They pulled me in and I too was hopping from one cushion to another. Sadly I drowned when I failed to balance on the corner of Jenna’s blue yoga mat which was “water”. Fortunately they rescued me before continuing on the course. 

Having done so many quiet years when we were away – times where the kids didn’t have that strong core of friends to hang out with – I am so thankful and grateful that they both have BFF’s right across the yard. Their mom is one of mine as well – bonus happiness and gratitude. 

It is so important for me to keep reaching for these happiness feelings. I still have those punch in the gut moments that dad is really gone. I had another one today driving with Jenna. She mentioned how josh had wanted to share a video he had made with dad. They never had that chance, but josh won an award for the video. Jenna mentioned how proud dad would be of him and how he will he watching him get the award from heaven. Gut punch. Cry. Gratitude that I had him as a dad. 

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An afternoon ride 

  
As a kid I used to ride all over the ranch in the summer months. Sometimes by myself, sometimes with my sister, usually joined by Buster the dog. 

When I first learned about yoga and meditation I realized that I had been connecting with the Source every time I jumped on my horse and headed off. Riding has always been a very spiritual activity for me, something that has always calmed my anxiety and grounded me in nature. It’s something I need to do in order to be the best version of myself. 

Today I got to ride with Jenna and my niece. It wasn’t long or far (those clouds in the background had us heading home before we got rained on) but it was soul cleansing. My happiness moment. 

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The sound of silence. 

Today has been a feel gross day. I’m not sure if I’m sick or if I am just feeling like emotional crap. Either way, the result is the same. Blah. Actually, I’m hoping it’s the result of some emotional junk moving through me from my energy work and my yoga. I’ve started a new session of Healing Light Yoga Therapy, which is restorative yoga and is the most wonderful thing for my soul. But it often gives me some yuck along the way. 

So, I’m dealing with the aftermath of my phone in the toilet. If bad things come in threes, I had it last night with the skunk, the phone, and the barfing kid. I have a good warrantee though and for a couple of hundred dollars, by tomorrow or Wednesday I’ll have a new one. But, for now I live in silence. 

I have discovered that the level of silence I can tolerate is directly related to my level of anxiety. The higher the anxiety the less I can handle total silence.  No noise means having to listen to the small voices that are telling me I’m stuck in a bad place. Since moving home, my anxiety is so much less I barely even think about it. But, I discovered today that I’ve still been filling more silence gaps than I realized. I’ve been doing this by either messing around on the Internet or using music to fill the quiet. 

On the way into town this morning,  Jacob and I were half way in before we realized the car radio was off. When we did, we both commented on how nice it was to enjoy the quiet, appreciate the scenery, and relax into the silence. The sound of silence is a beautiful thing. It’s also where all my big thoughts happen and my profound emotions come from. My moment of happiness today was that drive into town with Jacob. 

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Board games 

it was a cold and rainy day here. The kind of day  that is best spent curled up on the couch with a cup of tea and a good book. I didn’t get to do that as much as my body was calling for, but I did sneak a little time studying my eyelids while Jenna watched Full House after school. Some day I hope to perfect napping like Ella the cat. 

  
I had some energy work done today which was very powerful and very tiring. There’s lots of old blocked garbage hanging out in my lower back and hips that I am finally ready to let go of.  My goal is to get stronger and healthier as I age and I’m making progress towards that goal. It’s not always easy nor is it fun, but the rewards are so worth it. This version of Melissa is so much stronger and peaceful and loving. 

After the Full House / snore-fest Jenna and I played Spontuneous, which is a board game that requires singing. So, a game we can only play in the privacy of our own home with no one else around. When we’d finished that game we brought our train game over to my Mom’s place and the three of us sat around and played. This was definitely my happiness moment for the day. A little bit of fun, a little bit of normal. We need that. 

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Sunbeam yoga cat. 

 
After three months of emotional chaos I have decided it’s time to try and restore a bit of order into my life. I haven’t been following my proper routine, my exercise hasn’t been regular, and my eating habits have been horrendous. Granted, not as horrendous as before I started studying Ayurveda, but not great. It’s that sugar thing. Sugar and I have a difficult relationship. 

I can feel the lack of proper sleep and the lack of exercise and poor food choices wrecking havoc on my body. The last few days I’ve been making more of an effort to get my routine back. 

I’ve also been gentle with myself because in the last three months we have undergone huge change and I have every reason to have emotions out of whack. But I know Dad would want us all to look after ourselves. And I’m home and I’m going to celebrate every day. 

Since the weather has been nicer I’ve been going outside for walks with Dottie. But, as seems to happen at this time of year – wildlife is getting a little too close for comfort. And, I’m bear-a-noid at the best of times. I’ve decided to give the outdoor walks a little break for a while. Or until I find a walking companion who is much slower than I am! I’m still getting used to the more recent  presence of predators. I was so used to being able to walk or ride for hours and never worry about anything. Times change. I don’t. 

Today I used my elliptical and then was just going to do some gentle yoga stretches. But I realized my body needed more stretching, and that my meditation practice has been thrown out the window. So instead I did a downloaded yoga class followed by a 20 minute meditation. 

I rolled my mat out into the middle of the floor where there was a nice sunbeam and began my practice. No sooner was I on my mat and Ella raced over to lie in the sunbeam. She loves when I do yoga and insists on her belly being rubbed on every forward bend. 

I feel SO much better after my practice. Lighter in mind and body. It served as a reminder of why I do what I do and why it’s so important to me. My happiness moment for the day. My sunbeam yoga with my cat. 

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