Tag Archives: alberta

happiness

The good kind of scared 

I took Jenna and her friend to Spruce Meadows today. It was a perfect day to go – before the big tournament starts so it still had the feel of a horse show instead of being a big spectator event. Those are fun too, but today I just needed a good fix of horses and their riders. 

I love watching the amatures, the only thing better is watching the kids on their ponies. It’s a totally different sport than what goes on in the International Ring. The girls really got into it too. They figured out how many faults you got for what and paid attention to how the horses were getting around the course. It was really cool to listen to them be so excited about something that has brought me so much joy. 

I realized while watching the jumpers that I miss the good kind of scared. Where something gives me butterflies, but I’m excited, and that little thrill of fear is a good thing. I spent so many years where the only kind of scared I felt was a really bad kind that I forgot there’s another kind. The one you feel when you put your trust in another living creature and take a huge leap of faith. I know the only reason I ever managed to get around a course was because of the trust based relationship I had with my horses. My human relationships now are much like that as well. I’m only walking this path with people I trust and love. 

A beautiful happiness moment at one of my favourite places on Earth followed by a family supper at his house. It was good. 

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Little kindness

We spent the afternoon down at the creek. This is one of my all time favourite things to do. I wait all year until it’s once again creek season – which here can last a week or two months depending on how Mother Nature is feeling. 

I consider it such a blessing that my kids are able to spend part of their childhood living this life of freedom and family. They are thriving while learning what it means to be part of this family and part of this community. 


On our way back home we passed our neighbour and the kind soul who lets us swim at his spot on the creek. We were driving up to the gate and he dropped what he was doing and ran over to get the gate for us so we didn’t have to get out. 

These simple acts of kindness are so fantastic. Think how great our world would be if we all went a little out of our way to be extra kind to our neighbours. He did it with a smile and made us all feel so happy to have encountered him. It made me realize I want to focus more on bringing smiles to those around me. I am in a pretty happy place right now – why not share that bliss? A happiness moment that can be shared. 

We drove through an amazing rainbow this afternoon leaving Cochrane. A powerful reminder of God’s promise to us. 

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After the storm 

I drove through an intense rain/hail storm this afternoon on my way into Cochrane. For a while I couldn’t even see the wipers on the other side of the windshield. Fortunately I got to my destination safely (albeit a little late) and picked up some girls eager to start their summer vacation. 

Jenna is having an end of the year sleepover with 3 of her girlfriends. I am so happy for her that she has finally reached that point in being settled here that she has begun the  formation of her own tribe. 

On the way home we drove through the hay valley and pulled over to see how much damage there was from the hail. It was like driving in the winter there was so much ice on the ground. 

The girls got out of the car and had an impromptu hail fight on the side of the road. Watching them enjoy themselves in a moment of spontaneous joy was my happiness moment for the day. 

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The last night

It’s the last night before the beginning of summer vacation. The last night I have to chase the kids to bed early(ish) so that they can get up and have a fighting chance of getting through the day. The last night I have to think about what I’m going to pack in lunches the next day (hallelujah).

It’s also the last time I have a kid in grade 5 and grade 9. How did the time go by so quickly?

I was thinking earlier today about how this really is their time. These are the years that hopefully they will look back on with fond memories. The years when their values and morals get shaped and formed, when their friendship bonds are made, when their sense of the security of home and family is established. I hope with all the crap of the last few years that they are able to say that some of it was good. We all have our own baggage to carry no matter what our life story is – I hope they remember the good times, the people who love them, and come out it with the understanding that there is a tribe of people who love them and support them no matter what.

I had a beautiful happiness moment walking tonight with Jenna. She babbled the entire time about how much she enjoyed her field trip today, how excited she is about having friends over tomorrow, and how happy she is that summer is almost here. On the way back we passed a cow and her baby trotting off the other way on much the same kind of evening walk.

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Mama Mia 

I watched Mama Mia this morning. There’s nothing like people singing abba like fools to put a smile on my face. 

The whole day was a nice, quiet, family kind of day. A lot of nothing which in reality is really something. It’s all those little moments of quiet and regular life that are what it’s all about. We are all tired and really needed some time to just recharge a little bit 

We had supper at his place tonight. As we left Jacob said I like him, don’t screw this up mom. I won’t like the next one as much. Watching new relationships form and bonds be made was my happiness moment. 

Also the sunset on the way home. I love Alberta. 

 

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The start of party season

This is my favourite time of the year. The weather is (supposed to be) nice and it’s the start of party season. It seems like from now until near the end of July we go non stop. Between weddings, family parties, and the stampede we will be busy for a while. 

Tonight was the annual Canada Day, 4th of July party. I love this family event. Even though it rained we played all the games, listened to the music, and visited with friends and family. An evening of happiness. 

This guy was in the bathroom at the lodge. 

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By the garden 

I’m sitting outside by my garden enjoying some evening sun before calling it a day. I love how the seeds I planted and cared for are turning into plants and starting to flower. I have yearned for a garden for years. We were too transient and never had the right spot to really enjoy this kind of space. 

Watching things grow here is also kind of how I feel about my life in general. I planted the seeds of prayer and hope for a better life a few years ago and finally I’m starting to see the rewards of that. Things are growing and flourishing. We are smiling and laughing more. We feel safe and secure back in our tribe. It’s good or the soul. It is the benefit of all of these happiness moments – every single day, even in the crap days. 

I love this space I am in.  Being here makes me happy. That which makes me feel at home brings me a soul bliss happiness moment. 

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In Dad’s words

I spent some time this morning looking through the books that Dad put together for us over the past few years. They include some of his photography, but also he did a lot of writing as he shared his spiritual beliefs and told stories of the flowers we used to look at together.

I came across something he wrote for Advent in 2007 that gave me huge comfort today. I miss our talks and I miss his guidance. We didn’t always agree on everything, but I know he always supported and wanted the best for all of his loved ones. I think I took for granted for a lot of years what it was like to go through life knowing that I had these two powerful forces in my parents who would always have my back no matter what showed up ahead of me. I didn’t realize what a unique and special gift that was until I had hit a few bumps in the road and really discovered who really had my back in the dark times.

Dad’s words:

There are times when it is exciting to go fast.  At these times it is very easy to forget to thank Jesus for all that we are given.

But sometimes we get going too fast. Sometimes we try to do too much. As a child at school and a grownup working inside or outside a home. At these times we often forget to ask Jesus to guide us and take  time to pray for his assistance. He is waiting for our call.

Sometimes we get so overwhelmed that we want to go and hide. At these times we are so concerned about our problems that we do not feel Jesus walking through it with us. But he is there with us.

With all this activity, it can be difficult to remember why we’re so busy.

But if we can find just one quiet moment in our day to pause and centre ourselves and think about the awesome, beautiful sacrifice Christ came to make;

If we can spend even a second thanking Him for His ministry, His teachings, and His example, and His life, death and resurrection, we will surely be able to find within ourselves that intangible “Spirit of Christmas” that enables us to give of ourselves until we think we’ve giving it all – and then give just that one bit more – to find that we are able to give whatever is needed at all times of the year.

I have wondered over the past few months what advice Dad would give me as my life has turned inside out and taken a completely different direction. I think of our walks along the ridge while we explored and discussed our Faith, and I think this is pretty much exactly what he would say to me right now.

I am so thankful he took the hours of love labour to put together these books for us to have to remember him by. I am thankful for the guidance he showed me and the unconditional love that was showered on me.

Aside from the deep soul bittersweet happiness of these memories, I have a happiness moment to look forward to later on today. We are gathering with some of the extended tribe to celebrate the other fathers in the family. I feel incredibly blessed that we have so many strong, loving men in our family.

this is one of Dad’s photos of the sunflowers. In the months after he died sunflowers kept showing up in my life all over the place. They remind me that he is still close by.

 

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Setting the standard

I was pretty sure when I woke up this morning that my happiness moment was going to be a no brainer – today is my unniversary.

I wasn’t sure what to do about that this year. It’s been a difficult day for me for the past few years as things went from difficult and strained to really freaking bad. This year though, I felt like it needed recognition somehow. This year the date marks the beginning of my new life, of freedom, of the possibilities of new beginnings

I pulled out my wedding album and took scissors and then a match to it. I have wondered for a while what to do with that album. I didn’t want it in the house anymore, I didn’t feel like just throwing it out. So, I had a ceremony with it. I let all of the hopes, dreams, prayers for that life go up in flames. I set fire to them and watched them drift away. They’re not hopes, dreams, or prayers for my life anymore – and I have not wanted them for a while. I have new ones now, happy ones, authentic ones.

Interestingly, it was not something done in anger. It was done very mindfully and it released a lot of stuff that really needed to go. I saged the house afterwards and felt those toxic emotions leave our home.

I realized that I will never, ever again let someone else set the standard for what I can achieve. I also realized that the people who are close in my life now believe in me and want to see me thrive – as I do for them.

Then I spent the afternoon with someone who has become very dear to me. It came to me while we were together that I am no longer running from anything, I also am no longer running towards anything . I am now living in this space where I am. I am on the road and I’m loving the journey.

I thought that was going to be my happiness moment, but then the kids and I went to the fruit truck in Cochrane and loaded up with BC cherries and raspberries. We ran back to the car and sat in the parking lot gorging ourselves and moaning loudly about how delicious it was. I love this time of year when the berries and the cherries have arrived. I love that they love it as much as I do.

(this is one of my dad’s photos)

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Thrive in your tribe 

Those of you who know me in real life know that I often laugh about how I don’t like people. And while I do often find being around too many people for too long overwhelming, I am also well aware that I need my tribe in order to thrive. 

A good thing about my tribe is we laugh together about being so introverted we need people breaks on a regular basis – we all get each other that way which makes it easy. And there is the odd extrovert which is also a good thing because they get me in a different way. 

The important thing though, is that we laugh together. More and more I am grateful for my people, and understand the importance of getting together with them and strengthening those bonds. I have a lot of women in my extended family which means I was fortunate enough to have been born with a ready made tribe. We are all realizing how lucky we are to have this built in support system and I can see more and more we are taking advantage of it. 

Today we had a cousin lunch in town which included me and two cousins and my mom and her cousin’s wife. Even when we don’t see each other on a regular basis, we share the same background and have the same kinds of stories. These are some of my treasured relationships. Sharing stories and breaking bread with some of my fabulous women was my happiness moment today. 

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