Tag Archives: family

happiness

A colorful life 

It’s Easter weekend, and I’m so grateful that we are here with the ones we love. This has been a year full of so many emotions, but at the top of the list is the deep feeling of peace and love that I have now that we are safely back home. 

I find it difficult to even think back on how brutally lonely and isolated the kids and I were those last few years of our life on the road. We have so many people around us now, and life is so busy and full its hard to believe we were so quiet and empty not too long ago. 

Color comes in and brightens everything up. The color and richness of the lives we live now has warmed our souls and made us all such happier people. 

Today was Easter Egg decorating time. Jenna has been patiently waiting for days to get to this. We were a bit delayed due to my accidental, massive egg explosion (eggsplosion?) but finally we were good to go. 

The amount of planning these girls put into their egg decorating was amazing. I love that even though they are getting older, they are still so excited (eggcited?) to have some fun.   
 
After they were done decorating, I suggested they take the dye out and paint the snow. Thanks again to Mother Nature for her showing of second winter over the last 24 hours. 

They decided to color the snow fort they had spent the afternoon building.   

 
These two cousins are such great friends. What a blessing to have family close enough to play with on a regular basis. I will never take for granted the awesome relationships we have here with our tribe. 

It would have been my happiness moment anyway, but the girls dragged me out to show me their fort. They said they expected to read about this on the blog because it must be a happiness moment. 

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Here a swan, there a swan

Last night I declared that my intention was to focus on the swans and the beautiful things in my life. 

This morning I was instantly gratified with a surprise view of some swans hanging on a slough as we drove to town.  
This  afternoon, on our return from the city, we had another wonderful swan sighting. Jenna and I had to pull off the road and stand for a while to admire their beauty. 

 

The swans in the springtime always make me think of Dad. I still miss him so much, it baffles me that he’s been gone for 10 months already. It still feels so fresh. And yet, here we are heading into another spring. He would have loved standing there with us watching them. 

I thought the swans were going to be my happiness moment. But then my cousin showed up on my doorstep and invited Jenna and me to go riding with her on Saturday. Even just the thought of going riding is enough to make it my happiness moment for the day. 

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Skate time 

We are more settled into being home all the time. The kids tell me how they finally really feel like they have roots here and belong. It’s been years of living in limbo, never knowing where we were going to be long term, so it’s extra comforting to know we are home. 

Today Jenna skated. She loves this sport so I love going and supporting her. That’s what you do for the people you love, you support them. And I’m happy to do it. It brings me incredible joy to watch her gain confidence as she learns a new skill. 

My happiness moment today was sitting at the rink watching her smile as she skated around the rink. 

  

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Attracting it in 

I’ve realized lately that I’ve spent much time and focus over the last few years attracting safety, home, freedom and love into my life. Now that I have all of that (yay for the law of attraction), I realized I forgot to also attract money. 

Perhaps because I always had enough to be comfortable I wasn’t  actively working at attracting cold hard cash. And even now, thanks to my family  helping me through this rough patch we still have enough to be safe while we wait for Mr. X to be convinced to make support payments. 

I’ve been much more focused on attracting not just money but abundance into my life again. As a little nugget of proof that the law of attraction works, I found 20$ lying on the ground in town today. There’s a lot that I can do with that money. Like make sure that this isn’t the year Jenna has to find out that  the Easter bunny couldn’t make a stop for her. There’s huge gratitude for that. 

  
I don’t just want monetary wealth – that alone leaves one with only a very shallow and surface happiness. I want abundance and wealth on the inside as well. 

I was asked over the weekend what is it I like to do for fun? I felt myself stutter over the answer. As I was figuring out what to say, I realized that the reason I was having difficulty  was because I’m pretty close to living a life I don’t need a vacation from. 

What that means is that almost every aspect of my life involves me doing something that I like to do for fun. I thrive on parenting the kids, I love driving them to and from school, I am so grateful that I get to see my mom every day, I am grounded in this home in a way I haven’t been in years, I have awesome friends,  walking the dog brings me peace, I adore learning Ayurveda. What I like to do for fun is live my life. I get to do that every day. 

My happiness moment was driving home this afternoon laughing until it hurt as the kids cracked jokes. A darkness has lifted from our family and I’m enjoying the light shining back in. 

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The quiet times

Today was a beautiful day to welcome in spring. I couldn’t help but think of where I was a year ago today – both physically and emotionally – lots of big changes have happened this year. We were packed and ready to leave our lives in Roanoke, our flight home was a year ago tomorrow. Dad was in the hospital so sick, I was extremely grateful that we were getting home to spend some time with him. I had no idea how intensely emotional the upcoming year was going to be and all that it would bring for me.

It’s had a death,  devastating discoveries about betrayals in a marriage, a divorce, poverty, wealth that has come from within my soul, freedom from an emotionally abusive relationship, security of home, and the discovery that I am so much stronger and so much more together than I ever imagined.  Although it’s been difficult at times, I am grateful for the opportunity to have discovered these gifts that I can now carry with me through the rest of my life. It has made me a better friend, parent, and future partner.

While the kids had one of those golden moment afternoons where they played happily together for hours, I grabbed the dog and took her for a long walk along the ridge. I find such peace there, by the mountains, near Dad, along the trails where I used to ride my horses. It helps me to ground myself and remember what is really important to me. When I look at the things I really want in life, I have them all. Wonderful children – and close, open relationships with them, an awesome family surrounding me, weird and fantastic friends, and this crazy, happy dog (oh and the cats, don’t forget about the cats – I am one cat away from officially being the crazy cat lady). I know that as long as I keep doing the things that I love that everything is going to turn out just fine.

  

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Happiness all around 

Coming home with joy in my soul after spending the evening last night with some of my favorite people, we all started the day off with a lot more peace.

This morning Jenna headed off to a much anticipated sleepover at a friend’s house. She’s got a good bunch of girlfriends at this school and it thrills me to see them starting to do things outside of school together.

I headed to town and made an attempt at having a personal life and went out on a date. A lovely afternoon spent with someone kind, smart, funny, and cute (with a. charming accent to boot).

Now Jacob and I are sitting at the movies waiting to see a show together. Thank goodness for those Scene points – we have enjoyed a lot of free shows because of my card.

How lovely to have a day filled with more happy moments than sad. Naturally there are always things that come up, and Jacob was upset this morning, but he’s developed a strong sense of himself. I love the young man he’s turned into and am so grateful to have him in my life.

What you put out comes back to you and I’m glad to see the good stuff coming our way.

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Buns and Yorkshire Pudding 

Today was my uncle’s birthday. He’s one of my favourite people in the world, and has always been a second dad to me. 

They had a big birthday supper for him followed by a showing of Forsaken which was filmed out at the movie site. Very cool. 

My happiness moment was standing in the kitchen with my cousins laughing and eating. We had plates piled high with fresh buns and Yorkshire pudding filled with gravy. We’d gobble it all down, complain about how fat we were getting, laugh, head back for seconds, then laugh some more. 

  
To be with these people who I am so close to, who have known me forever, and whose company I enjoy so much is a great joy in my life.  

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Love flowers 

After another restless night, I actually fell into a deep sleep near the wee hours. I was puttering around, drinking my tea this morning when my cousin called and asked how the kids were doing.

Apparently, I’m fine when people ask how I am doing because aside from some fear and mental grief I am fine. But, when they ask how the kids are, I completely fall apart. I burst into tears over the phone and couldn’t stop. That was probably a good thing as it’s the first time I’ve actually cried about all that’s going on. I feel like I spent so much time crying over Dad dying last year that I didn’t want to spend more tears on Mr. X, who does not deserve them, but there they were.

And, actually the tears are not about Mr. X at all, the tears are about the huge amount of loss I feel for my children. The difference between how I look back on my father and how they will look back on theirs couldn’t be further apart. I’m trying so hard to keep them out of all this trauma, and yet they know more than they should just by virtue of him refusing to provide enough support for his family to have a chance to start over. The kids are unfortunately now aware that there is a present struggle even to have the most basic of needs met, and they know the reason why. I wish they didn’t.

My cousin heard me crying over the phone as she was driving into town to go to work. She said “hang on, I’m not that far away, I’m turning around and I’ve got something for you”. She showed up at my house with this:

I can’t remember exactly what she said, but it involved the flowers being beautiful and alive and smelling good, and that I was all of that too (the way she said it was so touching and I can’t remember it).

Edited note. She texted me again what she said to me at home: And for the record: you are beautiful, colourful, vibrant and add a sweetness to the room you are in. Everyone should have someone like this in their lives 

These loving flowers are sitting beside me today as I get some work done. I am so humbled by the outpouring of love and support I have received from my people. I had a message last night from a dear friend since high school. This woman was a single parent to her daughter from day one and has done such an amazing job of raising a beautiful young woman. She’s the person I go to when I set the standard for how I want to lead my family into our future.

I have realized that all of this that is going on is not my hell. I didn’t create this. This is a reflection of his reality not mine.

My reality is living here in this house that I adore with the people I love, safely back with my family, in the place I love most in the world. I’m doing exactly what makes my soul sing in looking after my family. I am so incredibly thankful that this is my life.

*I’ve got another happiness moment coming up tonight… a pre-planned one.*

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My peeps 

My happiness moment today is remembering how awesome the people are whom I have in my life. So many of you have reached out to us in love and support – not only these last few days but in the last year or so. I am so incredibly fortunate to have such loving, supportive, kick-ass people in my life. 

I was standing in the kitchen of the house that was provided to us by family, after driving the car my sister has loaned to me, having spent the day with my mom who has just been a huge source of support and I realized how incredibly fortunate we are. What a safe place to fall. 

Having beautiful souls in my life is the greatest gift I could have. So as a top off to that happiness, the kids and I are going to cuddle on the couch and watch a movie together. 

Thank you all for your love and support. It means the world xox. 

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At the long table

The kids and I spent may years where it was just the three of us sitting at our little round table. Those lonely years spent away have made us all the more appreciative of our family and the shared times that we have now that we are back among our tribe.

Today we spent time with my relatives from the “east side” of town. My cousin’s granddaughter was in a skating competition and it was my aunt’s birthday, and the kids and I joined them in the celebration. I had forgotten how much I enjoy watching figure skating, it’s so beautiful and graceful. We went for lunch to celebrate my aunt’s birthday and there were enough of us (15) that we were seated at a huge, long table at the back of the room. I have so missed family meals that involve sitting at a long table full of laughter and conversation. I feel like in the last year we have been well absorbed back into that lifestyle. We got to do it again tonight at my mom’s place with my sister and family (only 8 of us this time though).

My happiness moment today was catching up with my cousins and aunt and uncle. One of the great things about family is that they always know who you are even during the times when you are apart. It has been such a blessing to reconnect with this tribe.

A bonus happiness moment came yesterday when Gretchen Rubin made a comment on my blog post about happiness done Ayurveda style which I had put on her Facebook page. That post really brought back into focus for me how important it is to keep on doing what I am doing. I can feel all the good vibes coming back to me.

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