Tag Archives: healing

happiness

Boy time 

I can tell more healing is happening because we are laughing more. The kids are so good at expressing their feelings and we are all getting stronger and more able to look ahead with joy. 

Today was a laugh with my boy day. We started in the car this morning on the way to school and laughed all day until bed time (now). He’s got such a great sense of humor and I love that he’s showing it again. I love that kid so much and I’m so proud of the kind soul that he is. My happiness moment today, sharing laughs with the boy. 

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happiness

So sensitive 

Last night I attended an online lecture talking about people who are energetically sensitive. For as long as I’ve been alive I’ve been so sensitive to the emotions and energy of the people I come in contact with. Sometimes it’s a wonderful thing, and sometimes it makes my life a bit more challenging as I have to deal with the impact of other people’s vibrations. 

A few years ago I was reading the resume of Mr X where he listed as a skill the ability to take the emotion out of any situation and move ahead without that clouding his decisions. I said then that was one of the biggest problems in our marriage because I put  emotion in every situation I went into. This is not a slag on him, it’s just pointing out that we approached every situation from opposite ends. The fact that I was so emotional in a relationship that was devoid of any made it very difficult for me. 

It’s not just that relationship though, I’m sensitive to the energies of almost everyone I come in contact with. The more of a bond I have the more intense it is, but it’s still there. 

This talk last night addressed why it is some of us react the way we do. And even better, gave some tips on how to ease some of the raw sensitivity- while embracing that it is this same sensitivity that makes us special. 

One of my favorite parts was where he described us like: the energy from our higher power is supposed to flow into and through us and then out to the world. When we get our energy overwhelmed we aren’t able to do that. It’s my goal to realign myself so I’m flowing that love through me and into the world. 

This afternoon while waiting for Jenna’s guitar lesson we sat and had an Uno tournament. Then when she went in and played, Jacob and I had an intense one on one battle. We had great belly laughs and really enjoyed some quality time as a family. My happiness moment. 

 His hand. He won this game.  

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happiness

The lion king 

When Jacob was a toddler, his favourite movie was the Lion King. I can’t tell you how many times we sat together and watched Simba and his buddies. Then there were the hours spent reenacting the movie with little action figures. Help me brother was yelled countless times as Scar would fall off the couch or the table. Good times. I love the age the kids are at now, but sometimes I miss the little versions of themselves.

Jacob was home today (PD day made a nice surprise long weekend) and he spent the day relaxing and catching up on his things. I was working in my room and he walked in carrying Ella the FancyTail Cat. He holds her up and starts singing the Lion King song (who knows the words, the tune was right). Anyone who knows Ella the FancyTailed Cat would know that this was not appreciated at all by her, which made it all the more funny for her people. Poor Ella.

What was the true happiness moment though, was seeing my boy being more like his old self. He was happy and more carefree, finding the funny in every day situations. I’m so grateful that as our family stress is decreasing their joy and carefree happiness is returning (I’m sure the same is true for me).

We did a very powerful exercise yesterday on talking with and releasing our fears. It’s similar to the work I do with Asrael, but over the course of the weekend a lot of stuff had come to the surface. I was able to acknowledge things that are blocking me and causing me fear, and to either let them go or to work with them. It’s a tool that I definitely will use not only for myself but with clients as I move ahead. There’s so much junk we are all carrying, and it really takes such little love and kindness to help others begin to release it and embrace the bliss.

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happiness

Selling by giving

I am taking a most amazing workshop this weekend called Selling by Giving. I am blessed to be able to take it remotely from home and at a sweetheart of a deal provided by New World Ayurveda.

The more I’ve been sitting with the realization that I now suddenly have to become responsible for the financial care of myself and my kids (as well as all the emotional and physical care) the more I’ve realized that now is the time to really make some big changes in my life. I’ve supported someones else’s dreams for over a decade and a half. Now it’s time that I get to follow my own.

So what are my dreams? I got so used to having to squish my dreams down I forgot for a long time what it felt like to have them.

The bliss that I find from not only studying Ayurveda, but from writing this blog has made such a huge difference in my life. I think of where I was 3 years ago when I first started studying. I was so anxious and unhappy I could barely function. The changes that have happened in the year since I started writing this blog have made my life unrecognizable from where it was when I began. I not only seek happiness but now I embrace and know I deserve it. That has been a lifesaver and a game changer. It meant that I could no longer allow myself to be mistreated.

No matter where this road takes me, I know I’m in a better and more aligned space than I likely have ever been. All of these heartaches and attacks on my soul have lead me to really search deeply in my being and find out what makes me tick, what makes me happy, what makes my spirit sing. I have started to ask the question what is really important in my life? The short answer is love and happiness. I want to live a life that is filled with giving and receiving love and happiness. The more I have myself the more I have to give. And I’m understanding how very important it is to fill up my own cup so that my abundance can flow over to those around me.

Love does not depend on how you behave, what you look like, or what you wear. I think of the love I have for my kids and there is nothing they could ever do that would make me stop loving them. For so long I was trained that if I didn’t behave in a certain way I was unworthy – which basically led to me self-destructing. Feeling unloved and unworthy (and being told on a regular basis that I was such) was the most painful thing that ever has happened to me.

And now I’m in a space where I can embrace love and happiness. It may take me a while to fully walk into the understanding that my life now has value, but I’m on my way.

This course today had us doing some beautiful exercises that challenged me to think of what I want in my future, what changes I want to bring into my life. Being able to look ahead at my future with joy and anticipation, that is my happiness moment today.

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happiness

Alberta Bound

I have a happiness playlist on my phone that I listen to almost constantly. The songs are many and varied, but for different reasons they all bring me happiness when I listen to them.

A year ago the song that was played over and over was Alberta Bound by Paul Brandt. By that time we have been away from home for over 10 years, Dad was so sick, and I was desperate to be back among my people. We had decided the fall of of 2014 that the kids and I would be able to return home June 2015, but I was filled with uncertainty about how that would happen and if it would happen before it was too late for Dad.

I was listening to the song again today and thinking of what I was doing a year ago right now, still living in Virginia, still so uncertain, and alone, and homesick. I played Alberta Bound continuously as I prayed that somehow we would safely return back to our tribe. I remember sitting on the floor of our kitchen repeating the words over and over

I’m Alberta Bound
This piece of heaven that I’ve found
Rocky Mountains and black fertile ground
Everything I need beneath that big blue sky
Doesn’t matter where I go
This place will always be my home
Yeah I’ve been Alberta Bound for all my life
And I’ll be Alberta Bound until I die

Somehow I figured if I repeated it often enough it would make it happen.

And then it did. Things got quickly worse with Dad and I knew that if we didn’t come back right away we would not make it in time. We packed our essentials, left the rest of the packing in the good care of my friend to supervise (and later my husband to ship) and we left. Alberta bound.

We made it in time to spend two and a half months with Dad before he died. I will be forever grateful for that time that strengthened our family for what was to come.

 Back home again. The barn built by my grandpa  
Now we live in the house that was built by my great-grandparents, beside the barn built by my grandpa ( I can see it when I look out the kitchen window. That is happiness). We have our tribe all around us, we are firmly grounded in our roots, and I can see horses in the field (you have no idea what that does for my soul). This place has always been my home and I am so thankful that we are back here. We need the love and the support of our family and friends, and we are so blessed to be blended back in with them again.

Today on my drive home from the morning school drop off I had to pull off a couple of times to admire the beauty of where I live. It was a gratitude filled happiness moment.

  Those amazing Rocky Mountains. I never get enough of them. 

  

Machinery in the hay valley by our house  
 

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Yoga for the soul 

Discovering yoga was one of the best things that has happened to me. I consider myself very lucky because I have had wonderful people come into my life to guide my practice.

When we lived in Quebec, the mom of one of Jacob’s friends opened a yoga studio. She taught a wonderful gentle yoga class that was exactly what my body needed. She was so kind and welcoming, it made it such a safe and loving way to begin my practice.

When we moved to Rhode Island, my husband gifted me a weekend at Kripalu which was where I fell madly and deeply in love with how yoga made me feel. Kripalu yoga is exactly the kind of yoga I need to do. it does not care that I carry so much tension, or that I am not flexible, or that I am self-conscious.  It is slow and gentle, it is built on compassion, and for me it is very spiritual. The only other thing that has brought me closer to God is time on the back of a horse.

Sometime after I began my studies with New World Ayurveda, they started offering Healing Light Yoga Therapy. It was my first introduction to Asrael, who has become a very important guide and mentor. The sixth session of yoga classes began last weekend, and I was finally able to do the recorded version this morning.

It’s a pretty cool way to do a yoga class, she leads it online and we follow along at home. There is an amazing feeling of being bonded to the other people in the class even though many miles separate us. That energy knows no bounds. There’s a recorded version on their website so if you miss the live class (like I did) then you can do it at your own convenience.

I was thinking about what these classes have done for me. When I first started my anxiety was so intense I could barely function. I was actually really happy that the yoga class was online. Aside from the fact that it made it easier to fit into the day (with two kids and a busy schedule), being in the comfort of my own room meant that my general anxiety was lessened. Of course I was soon to discover that Asrael’s voice is it’s own kind of valium for calming my stress. My cat Ella agrees, anytime she hears her voice she comes and purrs beside the computer or the phone – which strongly violates her don’t let people know I like them rule.

Now I go for long periods (I mean usually days) where I don’t even remember that anxiety played such a huge role in my life. Before this it was an issue that had brought me to my knees and affected every single thing I did in my life.  A lot of factors have come into play to help with my healing – a big portion coming from my Ayurveda studies, my private sessions with Asrael, and these yoga classes.

I do practice my own breathing to calm and ground myself, but it so much easier for me to get to that groovy feeling when I am being guided. I was so happy today when I was lying on my mat and being reminded of how to take the big healing breaths.

This type of yoga is one that nourishes my soul. It feeds me on all levels and I consider it one of the most important parts of my healing and my growth. It’s not always easy, sometimes really yucky things get released, but it is always worth it. It may take a bit of time, but there is always a good feeling – right to the core of my being – that comes from these classes.

Today my happiness moment was lying on that mat breathing healing light into my soul.
Photo from the New World Ayurveda Healing Light Yoga Therapy site

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Anger 

  
I did some energy work today with Asrael which is always good and sometimes difficult. It’s all things that are helping me to let go of some yucky stuff that I’ve been holding onto. 

Today Anger made an appearance. All the things that have pissed me off over the years and that I’ve stuffed down into my hips made themselves known. 

She was talking about my anger and we were working on releasing it – and all I could visualize was Anger from Inside Out. Made it hard to stay serious because he was so amusing to watch. You know, in the same way that it can be entertaining sometimes to watch someone have a break down tantrum. 

But, perhaps it will be easier to relate to my anger if I see it as Anger. In the same way that I can see how Sadness is rubbing all my memory balls and changing them and Joy is running around trying to cheer everything up. 

My happiness moment today was my time spent on this important healing. My ability to  communicate  with,  and acknowledge my feelings is making me a healthier person. That is a big happiness deal. 

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Surrender

  
I come from a long line of extremely stubborn and willful people so to say that I don’t surrender easily (or at all) into things is putting it mildly. 

Since having yoga and mediation and Ayurveda introduced into my life I have been actively seeking the way to surrender. It hasn’t been successful. 

This is likely because I’ve been trying to force myself to surrender. Stubbornly and willfully. With no success. 

I always imagined how my true surrender would go. It would be like Disney meets Kripalu. I would be sitting serenely in a field with butterflies flitting about, deer skipping by, and flowers dancing a merry rainbow of peace and serenity. I would be radiating bliss from my inner core as I sat in peaceful meditation. 

No matter how many times I tried to force this peaceful surrender it never happened. 

Today for the first time I felt myself – my whole self, body mind and spirit – surrender. 

Here’s what it looked like: me lying on the ground yelling no, no, no, no, no, no,no f*ck, f*ck (a few more hundred of those)…. FINE. Then I lay there and cried. And I’m not a pretty crier. It was heaping, drooling, snotty sobs of tears. 

Then I got up, dusted myself off, and continued to cry for the next 12 hours. Actually, since I’m still crying now it will be much longer I’m sure.

But, somewhere in that heaping, ugly mess came surrender. I felt it happen. I just gave it all up. 

Once I got to the point where I was beyond trying to force myself into a place that was not authentic for me it just happened. Right now in this moment in time, surrender for me is curled up in the fetal position crying my eyes out. And that’s ok. Because it’s real. 

Surrender meant acknowledging what is happening, having my authentic response to it and being ok with it. Knowing that what happens is beyond my control. That it’s not my job to reach for a specific outcome. Right now it’s my job to surrender, to cry, to feel, to relax and let be. 

Happiness moment today was sitting with dad in a sunbeam while giving him a big hug. Yes, I cried for most of it. But whatever. It was still a moment of true love and that means happiness. 

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A little Ayurvedic magic

 
First of all the happiness moment of the day. It was a beautiful, sunny 20 degrees Celsius out today and the kids and I took an early summer break and went to our old favourite, Mackay’s  Ice Cream in Cochrane. It was lovely and delicious. I had a very non Ayurvedic scoop of chocolate fudge chunk and blissfully enjoyed every bite in an Ayurvedic approved manner of mindful eating. OMG it was good!!

This weekend Jenna has been complaining on and off of a sore ear. Yesterday I pulled out my essential oils and tried putting some of them around her ear. While it helped a little nothing was solving the pain. 

This morning she woke up in terrible pain and I actually ended up keeping her home from school. As I was preparing breakfast I remembered where  I had stashed my mustard oil and decided to give a remedy a try that I’d been given by a friend from India a few years ago. 

At one point both Jenna and I had sore ears. I put her on antibiotics and I used the Ayurvedic remedy to see who healed faster. I did at a significant rate. 

So, you get a pot and put some mustard oil in it. Then add a couple of cloves of garlic and heat it until the garlic turns red. Remember it’s oil so hot is hot! I put a clear lid on the pot. 

When it’s done, let it cool and then put some on a cotton ball and place it in the ear. Leave it for as long as possible. 

Jenna wore hers for 3 hours and her ear is completely pain free. She went from not wanting to move to skipping down the road smiling and laughing. 

Magic

I love learning about and healing with Ayurveda 

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happiness, walking

Melissa and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day

This morning I woke up feeling like I was staring in my own version of Alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Worst of all, nothing had really happened to put me in this mood. It was more the accumulation of a bunch of kind of icky feelings and yucky stresses that had been building up over the course of a few days and decided to make themselves really known today.

Interesting because normally Saturday is my favourite day of the week. We get to sleep in, we usually go downtown to the market (which I love), we get to hang out and relax. Knowing it’s the one day of the week where we don’t have to do anything,  I try to keep the day as stress free for us all as humanly possible.

But, today I woke up just as cranky as hell. Unfortunately (kidding) the kids didn’t wake up in horrible moods also so I knew if the entire house ended up being a black cloud of doom it would have come from me. There is nothing worse than someone sharing their black cloud of doom with you. They were all happy and bouncy. So, I tried to be happy and bouncy too. Fake it till you make it you could say.

Jenna said she didn’t want to go downtown and just wanted to rest and relax. I took advantage of that extra time and worked out on the elliptical (I’m watching original Melrose Place while I work out. It’s awesome!) and then did some yoga and meditated. Still cranky. Better, but still cranky.

Later on in the day I took advantage of the sunny 17 degree (Celsius) weather because the past week has been more like this:windchill

It was glorious on my path. It was filled with couples walking holding hands (I love all the older couples that walk this path holding hands, it warms my heart), families riding bikes, people rollerblading, and people walking dogs. I had invited the kids to join me but they politely informed me they would rather die.

I walked and walked, letting my brain start to unravel. This walk is the place where my brain lets go a bit and allows balance to come back. I started thinking about the things that were upsetting me. Some of them aren’t just little annoyances, they’re big freaking deals. But I tried to step out of myself and look at them. My intention for the year is the path of least resistance – which I am travelling on by allowing things to come, to happen – instead of white knuckling and trying to accomplish things by sheer force (which oddly enough hasn’t worked for me so far).

So, I picked out each of my issues and ran them through my mind and then said ‘ok, so what can I do to change the outcome of this issue?’ With every single issue the answer was nothing. A lot of the problems aren’t mine that I’m carrying. I’m making them my stress, but they aren’t mine to be able to deal with. There is nothing I can do to change the outcome of much of these issues, and no matter how much resistance, force and energy I pour into them – at the end of the day I’m going to just have to allow them to happen anyway.

Crap, this allowing things is harder than I thought.

Working it though made my body heave a huge sigh of relief though. There is nothing I can do to change these things. No action on my part is going to change any of the outcomes. So, by carrying them with me all I’m doing is creating an unnecessary stress which then will be my problem to deal with. But, created out of nothing.

So, I’m going to let that sh!t go.

Happy moment of the day – day 13 of 44 – happened walking on the path. Aside from just the sheer happiness it brought to my heart to see so many people out enjoying themselves, and the peace and joy it brought me being out in warm weather, there was an incident.  (no matter how this reads, the couple was happy and they were totally kidding around) A couple about my age was walking towards me holding hands having (I assume) just had some sort of disagreement. The man gestured towards Dottie and said “Can you get your dog to attack her (points to woman) right in here (points to throat)” he’s laughing – she’s laughing but has this horrified embarrassed look on her face like ‘honey I can’t believe you said that out loud to her’. I stopped, looked him dead in the eye and said “Sorry, but my dog is trained to only attack men, she’s smart that way.” The lady doubled over in laughter pointing at the man who gasped, giggled a bit and then grabbed his wife’s hand and dragged her away while she was still hooting and laughing. It was awesome.

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