Tag Archives: parenting

happiness

House of rain

I have been in a really crappy mood the last couple of days. I don’t know why – nothing specific has happened, I just am not smiling. Sometimes things just get a little overwhelming and I think I maybe just need a few days of recharging – I’m not sure. I know I’ve been sitting in this huge energy shift the last few weeks, and while it’s full of good things it’s also new and tiring. So, I’m trying really hard to honour this feeling – knowing that it is something that is just passing through and not a permanent state.

This happiness journey has led me to understand that while I’m always seeking happiness, I’m not always happy. And that’s ok. All those other emotions are real too. I’m allowed to have them.

But, it does not mean that I don’t keep looking for a moment of happiness each and every day. In fact, I live a very blessed life and I have so much that I am grateful for that I can list off happiness bursts all the time. We are here, we are home, we have our tribe, I can see the mountains, I love our home, I have my friends around me,  I kissed a horse, I hang with Derek… it goes on.

My happiness moment today was picking the girl up from school today and listening to her chat away about how much fun she had with her friends at school.

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The wonky toe

Jenna was born with a wonky toe. I remember it stood out because I did the quick check over on her as soon as I held her and asked the doctor right away. She said it was just how God had made her and that she was fine. And she is – that toe does not give her any issues at all.

Until this morning when she woke up in intense pain. I took her into the Urgent Care in Cochrane and they checked her out right away. I’m so thankful we have that place to go to – the care is excellent and it’s usually not that busy. Plus, there’s often some neighbour sitting in the waiting room who we can catch up with – today being no different.

They checked her out and said toe seems to have been sprained or strained or something but isn’t broken. That makes me happy. But, when I have to go seek medical treatment I always have a moment of gratitude and happiness that I’m back home in Alberta. I just have to show my health card and we are looked after. There’s no worry about getting a huge bill in a few weeks, or wondering if I’ll be able to afford treatment. I’m happy and thankful every day that we are back home – but a little bit more on days like this one.

 

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Finding our gifts

Today was week 3 of the finding your spiritual gift group I’ve been attending at our church. I consider it such a blessing that I was guided into this group, this church, at the exact time I was. For a few weeks before I had sat with this powerful feeling that things were changing in my life, that it was time to begin to embrace my power, that I was going to begin a new level of understanding myself.

Then I went to church and was pulled immediately into this group by one of the ladies. I had no intention of joining, was looking to drop the kids off and go have some quiet time before coming back for service. But the lady told me it was an opportunity to find out what gifts God has given us and how we are to use them in the world. All my spidey senses went off. This was exactly what I had been needing. So I went.

The past three weeks have been really interesting. I have learned a lot about myself, and about how the gifts we are given work. I’m finally understanding that just because my gifts aren’t like your gifts, or aren’t maybe the gifts that I think would have value that I would like them to have (usually because I’ve been told they don’t), that does not mean that they aren’t sacred gifts from God – that it is my duty to use them.

Our leader comes in every week with a wrapped gift and places it at her feet. She talks about how important it is not only to receive the gift, but too use it. Then she motions to the gift box and says – because it’s not much good to any of us just sitting there all wrapped up in the box not being used is it?

So true.

I’m starting to understand some of my gifts and how they have value. They’re things that I actually used to think had value, but had allowed people over the years to devalue. Somehow instead of having the confidence in myself and in what I had to offer, I allowed the opinions of others to make me feel like my gifts weren’t important. And unfortunately for every time I was told by someone else that my gifts didn’t have value, I repeated that message to myself 1000 times more.  All of our gifts are important – no matter how big or how small.

Jenna was asked to help out with the children’s church during service. She was nervous, but excited to be one of the “big kids” and to have some responsibility. She’s so shy in public and often doubts the great gifts that God has given her. She stepped into one of her gifts today and did a wonderful job of helping the kids during service. The kids were happy, but the glow that came from Jenna from sharing that special part of herself – that was my happiness moment. It is so important to share what God gave you.

 

 

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I’ve been training for this 

I took the boy into the Italian Centre this afternoon to get some of what have become our house staples. How did we ever survive without having this as a semi-regular stop?

We were leaving the freezer section where entirely too much time had been spent deciding exactly what kind of gelato was needed when I turned around and Jacob was gone. A quick glance around and I saw him leading a father and his daughter towards the cheese section. I fell in behind them and listened to him telling them about his favourite kinds of cheese (there’s a reason we call him cheese boy). He described in great detail the tastes of several different options and managed to convince them to try his current fave – Oka . They thanked him for his suggestions, grabbed a thing of Oka and Jacob left them to the rest of their shopping.

As we were heading for the till he told me that he’d heard them standing by the deli section trying to decide what kind of cheese they wanted to try for supper. He said I knew I could help them because I’ve been training for this moment my whole life. He’s totally right – he has. The kid takes his cheese seriously.

Watching him be so excited about sharing his knowledge about a food he loves so dearly was my happiness moment.

 

eating this cake was also a happiness moment…. so good.

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The unexpected gift

Every once in a while I get an unexpected life gift – they’re beautiful, extraordinary, and I cherish them in my heart forever. I got one of those blessings this morning.

I was sitting at Timmy’s with the boy having our usual quiet coffee time before school. Out of nowhere he told me that they had had an assignment where they were supposed to write about something that their parents had taught them.

He said:  most of the other kids wrote about things like “my parents taught me how to brush my teeth”, but I decided hell no – I’m going to use this assignment to write something meaningful.

He went on to tell me that he wrote about how his mom taught him to always stand behind the people that you love. He said I remember when things were really bad at home and I was scared. When I was fighting, you would jump in and fight with me. You always had my back, you stood up for me even though it got you yelled at. You made me feel safe and protected. I learned that is how you love people.

I didn’t even know what to say. I often beat myself up feeling like I failed them in so many ways. It was heartwarming to hear his perspective on how he remembered things. I mean, terrible that he experienced them, but wonderful that he remembered there was love in the middle of all that.

I have been thinking a lot lately about the notion of unconditional love. I have written a bit about it. I was raised with it, I love my tribe with it. I’m still caught off guard when the people that I love put conditions on their love for me. But, my sincere hope is that my kids will grow up knowing how to give and receive unconditional love. Based on his story I would say that he’s well on that journey. I am so proud of him, and so touched by the unexpected happiness moment he gave me this morning.

On our way out of the house we were greeted with God’s light display sending us love and peace – something that has held me strongly throughout the day.

the view from my front yard

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Alvin and the Chipmunks

The past few weekends seem like they have been busy, stressful, and hectic. Having a quiet day today was so welcome. It was rainy and kind of gross out which made it the perfect day to clean the house, watch movies, read, and nap.

I’ve become a lot more aware lately of where my energy is being directed, to whom I’m giving it, and how I want to use it. It’s amazing how letting go of things and people that drain me has opened doors to allow some pretty cool things to start to come in. That letting go that I struggle with so much – it has it’s benefits for sure!

Having the quiet time to meditate, study my Ayurveda, love on my kids has put my balance back where it belongs – grounded and centered.

Laughing tonight with my Jenna while we watched an Alvin and the Chipmunks movie and ate popcorn was a fantastic happiness moment.

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Italian Centre and the Village People

The boy and I ended up having a personal wellness day today. He had an appointment with a specialist that was on the other side of town which gifted him the day off of school (it’s a short day Friday), so we decided to take full advantage of it after his appointment.

Because we were fairly close – which means not really close, but we wanted to do it anyway – we headed over to the Italian Centre in the south part of town for lunch. It was crazy busy, but the food makes it so worth it. Because we were at lunch rush time,  there were no tables. As we were standing there trying to figure out what to do, they started putting out places to sit outside. It was 14C and you never know here how much longer the weather is going to hold, so we took full advantage of the opportunity to eat alfresco.

That kid makes me laugh so hard. Like hiccups, tears down my face laughter. Needless to say it was a good lunch. He’s such a strong, gentle soul – I learn so much about the perfect love of God in just spending time with that human.

Me and my sweet tooth…. where do I even begin!


On the way home the YMCA came on and we did some serious car dancing. Well, me more than him – and that was mostly because it started to embarrass him which of course made it more fun for me. But there were glimpses of moments inside his embarrassment where I could see him tapping out the beat and quietly doing the hand movements that go along with the song.

I have so much appreciation and gratitude for the relationship I have with that kid. Lunching and car dancing – happiness moments.

On a different note, I had a conversation with a newer member of my tribe today. She’s dealing with some serious stuff. It’s not really her stuff so much as  that of someone whom she loves dearly. I was so humbled and impressed at how she’s loving and holding him up during his deep grief and troubles. I am so blessed to have so many amazingly strong people in my tribe. If indeed it is true that your vibe attracts your tribe (and I believe it is) I must be on a pretty good vibe because I have awesome people in my tribe.

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Another step 

I found today to be a pretty exhausting day – I always find the days that we have lawyer things exhausting. But every one of these meetings is a step closer to us having things resolved and being able to finalize the divorce. 

I am so grateful for my lawyer who understands me so well and has supported me through this so consistently. 

On my train ride home my dear friend sent me this screen shot:


Which perfectly describes a completely different situation that I am dealing with. 

I laughed so hard that I’m pretty sure most of the other commuters thought I was nuts. And because of that – it was my happiness moment. There are funny things to be found everywhere. 

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Flashlights in the yard 

This evening I grabbed my flashlight to head over to my mom’s. As I got into the yard (field I guess it is), I saw another flashlight bobbing through the darkness. We yelled and flashed our lights obnoxiously  at each other while we laughed. It was my nephew heading home after feeding Derek the calf. 

Oh Derek. He’s so cute


We stood in the driveway and somehow got on the topic of the hardships involved in being the oldest sibling (the oldest vs youngest has been a longstanding joke between me, my kids, and my nephew and niece). We both agreed that as the oldest ones we had issues that could never be properly appreciated by the youngests. Then we laughed knowing that all of us really have pretty charmed and blessed lives. It was a great happiness moment. I’m so thankful there is family so close by so those kind of impromptu visits can happen. 

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The cousin thing 

I know I talk about it all the time, but it is such a huge blessing to be back here at home surrounded by our tribe. After so many years spent feeling ungrounded and uncertain I will never, ever take for granted the love that comes from our people. 

Moving around so much it was a constant effort to make new friends and establish ourselves. Now when we go into town we always see people we know, we live in a yard filled with family, and see loved ones on the road every day. 

This morning I received a text from a cousin asking if we could meet for coffee after school drop off. We did, it was a really fun and very quick catch up. We are the same age and have 45 years of shared memories (well, she has a few months more…) which makes for a very real and special kind of friendship. 

This evening Jenna headed off on her bike with her cousin. They’re forming the same kind of bond that my sister and I have with our cousins and it warms my soul to see this happen. I’m so happy for both kids that they are living in an area surrounded by people who love them. A big happiness moment this evening watching those two take off laughing. 

I followed slowly on foot. It was a gorgeous evening. 

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