Tag Archives: ranch

happiness

An instrument of peace 

Peace seems to be the theme of my life again. I always think of what I’m doing as seeking peace, or looking for peace. But today I sat with the words of St. Francis make me an instrument of thy peace. 

There is a huge difference between wanting peace and being peace. It made me realize that what I’m really wanting is to become an instrument of His peace. I’m not just looking for it, I want to be it. 

I’ve been feeling overwhelmed again lately and I think I needed a perspective shift. Reminding myself of what it is I really want and setting my intentions is essential. 

I came home this afternoon to see Derek in the yard grazing. I haven’t seen him for a few days (he’s been hanging with his new friend Blindey the blind orphan calf) and I went over to say hi. At first he was causal cool, but after I started rubbing his head in the little spot between his eyes and talking to him he moved in for a full cuddle and kiss 


This dude makes me ridiculously happy. It’s such a simple happiness and peace he has. I realized it’s because he just is. He is an instrument of joy and peace. And my little cuddle with him was my happiness moment. 

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Let go, let go… and Derek 

My thing continues to be learning how to let go. The massage I had on Monday moved around some pretty powerful stuff. He even asked part way through if I was having a big emotional reaction to what was happening. I replied oh kind of, there’s a storm forming in my stomach filled with stuff I’d rather not deal with. So that’s great. And that stuff has slowly been letting go ever since. The process itself is kind of yucky, but the knowledge that some of that really painful stuff is leaving my body is awesome. 

It’s all stuff I’ve known about, but things I didn’t quite know how to let go of. It comes with learning how to forgive myself. Even though it wasn’t my action that needed being forgiven, I struggled with the fact that I had allowed it and that was painful enough. I think I’m now in a place where I can let it go, and I have this awesome energetic spiritual support team who can help me with it. 

All of that stuff brewing around in me today kind of felt more like a sadness moment as I had to acknowledge some things I wanted to forget, but really it’s a happiness moment as I put memories in the past. 

My laughing happiness moment came this morning as my niece showed up in my yard to wash Derek’s butt.


 I was weeding my garden and suddenly my job seemed pretty darn awesome in comparison. Derek is so cuddly and after being bathed came into my garden to help me with my weeding 


He’s so cute and loves being around us so much. I have mad respect for all the struggles this little orphan has been through and yet is so determined to survive. He’s a little stinky, cuddly bundle of happiness. 

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Yard work 

Today was a day to put life back in order. I spent a few hours outside dealing with the jungle that has grown up over the last couple of weeks thanks to all the rain.

It felt good to get out and dig in the dirt a little, but it felt even better to have that solitary time to sit in my heart space and balance out my feelings. I seem to really need a little of that time every day to just come back in tune with myself. It helps me to fill up my cup so I have enough to share. 

Derek came back into the yard to visit me. He’s been off pretending to be a horse the last few days and I’ve missed him. Not the little surprises he leaves me in the yard, but I miss his presence. The dogs seemed to have missed him too 


I can’t quite explain it, but there’s something about that guy that brings e a lot of happiness. I think in part it’s that he finds the same sort of peace and security in our home that we do. 

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Into the fury of the fire 

Today we gathered together as a family and as a community and said farewell to my Uncle Harvey. He was my mom’s cousin, but in this large, close knit, extended family he was still uncle to me.

 I spent hours, days, seasons, riding in the fields on his ranch as a smaller child. It was one of the places where I learned the life lessons of courage and strength that have sustained me so well these past few years as I have been rebuilding a more peaceful and happier soul. My courage and strength were both tested every single time I got on a horse at their place and was pushed to the limit of my fears. I will be forever grateful for the lessons I learned from them. 

His sons were talking today at his funeral about uncle Harvey’s own courage and strength and how he taught those around him to be the same by example rather than words. Anyone can say the words to describe the person they want to be, it takes a brave soul to actually live by those words. 

Almost 50 years ago there was a prairie fire in the community and everyone had rushed out to help put it out. Uncle Harvey had been away so when he returned home he knew people were working hard to stop the fire. Instead of joining them, he ran to the barn and saddled up his horse. He grabbed his wire cutters and headed flat out into the fury of the fire. He opened gates and cut wires in fences to let the livestock escape the oncoming fire. 

They spoke of the kind of man who was both brave and kind enough to run full on into a fire to save the animals. That takes a special kind of individual and one that I am so grateful played such a big role in teaching me about courage and bravery. 

My happiness moment ironically came in the middle of the funeral. I was thinking of the gifts that he gave me as a child and how they are gifts I have opened over and over again in my life. There have been so many different people who God has put in my path who have handed me the gifts I needed to carry myself into the next place I wanted to get to. All the emotional craziness of this week has also been a gift. Somehow in the middle of all of it I have settled into a place of spiritual peace that has been missing for quite sometime – and even though I have no idea how it happened, I’m so grateful for that. 

Uncle Harvey’s work clothes. 

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Wedding at the ranch 

This year has been one of new beginnings and embracing adventure. 
We spent the day at a family wedding. I love reasons for the clan to get together, but it’s especially lovely to have such a joyous occasion to share the day with. 
It was a beautiful wedding outside at their ranch. We visited with family, snuck to the creek for a bit, and enjoyed watching the happy couple. 
I love love and it makes me so happy to see a couple starting off a life together. A great happiness moment.

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Exactly how it’s supposed to be 

Every once in a while there are those days that remind me that life is exactly how it’s supposed to be.  I thank God every day we are home – and a million times more on days like today. 

It’s hot, we had a family branding, I planted the heirloom purple potatoes, we are at the creek. There is very little I need in life beyond these simple pleasures to make me happy. I’m sitting here with Jacob, blowing bubbles and watching the girls swim in the water. Life is exactly how it’s supposed to be. A happiness day. 

Totally got him. I won!!

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Oh Mickey…

I was fortunate enough to be in the right place at the right time this afternoon and watched a newborn calf make its way into the world. For me a birth is always such a reminder of the joy and miracles that new beginnings bring. They are a thing to celebrate. 
This afternoon the kids and I had to go to town for a doctors appointment. On the way there was a homeless man standing with a sign asking for help. I got Jacob to reach into my wallet and pull out $5 for us to give to him. He was so touched and seemed  so happy to receive our gift. Because kindness is contagious the next few cars behind us also rolled down windows and gave him something as well. It was a good reminder that when you can’t take it anymore, it’s time to give   The world can always use more kindness. Now more than ever I felt that  there but for the grace of God go I. I am so grateful for my tribe who have helped us out. We are also in a time of new beginnings and there is a lot to rejoice in. 

  
On the way home Jenna cranked up Mickey by Toni Basil and we smiled and sang songs the whole drive. It is a wonderful happiness moment to realize that we are happy just because we are alive and together.

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Geese in the sunset

I went out for a walk this evening that turned into a bonus happiness moment. I love where I live. Tonight I felt such peace and bliss as I walked my road with my dog. I feel more secure and stable with every step I make. We are walking  into a fantastic new life. 

A sure sign of spring. Calves in the yard.   

 Cows on the hill 

 

Geese flying into the sunset  
 
This one is from last night but it was much the same tonight. God’s beauty reflected in our world. 

  

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What is love?

Love should make you happy. It’s that beautiful feeling of knowing you’re with someone who knows you to your deepest core and thinks you are wonderful. It’s tender, kind, loyal, faithful, and honest. It does not attack, betray, cheat, purposely hurt, or lie. It has taken me a long time to understand that love is not conditional and that I am only worthy of it if I behave in a certain manner. 

I’m finding the more I walk along in my happiness journey the more I’m finding love. It’s in big things and small things. I see it in the faces of my children every day. I saw it this morning when my big, strong, cousin’s husband gently fed a bottle to a newborn calf. I see it in our pets, and I see it reflected in the people who surround me. 

My happiness moment today was being with Jenna while she helped feed that calf for the first time. It was a beautiful, gentle act of kindness and I felt honored to be a part of it. 

  
I’m discovering that as long as I keep my eyes open I see love everywhere. It’s easier to find than I had ever believed. 

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Tea and a birthday party

The day started off with a beautiful drive in the cold, bright morning air. I was glad I was inside my car. Somehow I thought it was about -5c but turns out it was more like -22c. That made it chilly, but oh so beautiful. There was something really peaceful about the time I spent on my morning errands.

The beauty of my morning drive.    
  
This afternoon we had one of those wonderful Christmas break moments where family stopped by for a visit. An aunt and uncle, and another uncle came by and we had tea and left over Christmas baking. Well, I passed on the baking (I may have overindulged already), but I sat and had a delightful cup of tea. I gave up caffeine about 4 years ago, and that has done wonders for my anxiety. But every once in a while I wistfully think of how delightful a nice cup of real tea would be.

Today I made a pot of Murchie’s 2000 blend and I just couldn’t resist, I love their tea. I drank my cup and it was so good! It made me feel happy right down to my toes. Even the caffeine didn’t seem to have much affect on me. Not that that means that I’m in a big rush to start drinking it again. I dedicated my life to pushing panic attacks to the side, and I’ve done a pretty good job of that. I’m in no rush to bring something in that could cause anxiety. But, that one cup was so good! A little happiness moment for myself.

We had a nice visit with the family. I often see my one uncle in the grocery store and we get a little chance to catch up, but to be able to sit down and really visit is an entirely different thing. It’s so nice to be here where there is family to visit with and share our time together.

Jenna and my niece have birthdays coming up very soon so we had our annual the girls are together birthday party and enjoyed a really nice family supper. Naturally followed by present opening and ice cream, because heck – it was a party. I feel so blessed that we can share in these family occasions and be relaxed about it. Usually this birthday celebration is accompanied by tears as we are packing suitcases and preparing to leave the next day. Not this year! I am so thankful that we are here and we don’t have to prepare to say goodbye to loved ones. It lightens the heart considerably.

The peaceful drive, the tea visits, and the girl birthday party. My happiness moments for the day.

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