Tonight I got to share a happiness moment with my niece. We sat together and read Halloween bedtime stories.
There’s nothing quite like the feeling of little kid cuddles. I’m grateful we live live enough together that I can get to know this little pumpkin better.
I’ve been on this happiness quest for sometime now. It amazes me to think how far I’ve come since I started from the broken mess I was a few years ago. Yet, there is so far yet to go – it will be a lifelong journey for sure.
I had a happiness fact driven home today for me. I’ve realized that my happiness cup is now full enough that I need to make a real, conscious effort to share the happiness instead of merely seek it. I’ve realized that happiness is done best when it is shared with others.
There’s this guy in Cochrane who in my opinion has one of the worst jobs I could imagine. The worst for me that is, not that it’s a terrible job. He’s one of those guys who stands on the street with a sign for a shop nearby and waves at potential customers. I’ve seen these guys (and gals) all over the place and they always look pretty miserable, bored, unhappy, lonely… just like how I would be if I were doing that job.
But this guy – the guy who carries the sign for Little Caesars in town – he has a blast doing his job. He puts in his earbuds and dances his entire shift. He waves his sign around, smiles, laughs, waves at drivers and pedestrians and genuinely seems to enjoy what he’s doing. And it’s infectious – I read about him on the local Facebook pages – other drivers are cheered up by his happiness dance as well.
Today we were driving by and he walked in front of the car at the light. He stopped mid cross and busted a little move, turned and gave Jenna and I a huge smile, then walked the rest of the way across. We both had huge grins on our faces as we drove away. It’s amazing how easy it is to share happiness when you are doing something you love.
It was a great happiness moment because not only did I find joy in it, but I realized how important it is to keep sharing that joy with others.
The sunshine has come back into my life both literally and figuratively today. I was pretty happy to wake up and be able to see my mountains this morning, even happier to realize that I wasn’t having that funky feeling I’ve been carrying around the past couple of days.
I guess that’s the nice thing about being bummed out for no real reason, it’s easy to bounce back. I think I’m realizing how tired I got from all the stress of the summer, all the stress of the year… there just has been a lot and I haven’t always honoured how much it has exhausted me.
But, today was sun and smiles again which feels so much better. It started on the way into town – we drove past a family of swans. They always make me think of Dad which is bittersweet. My first thought was how excited he would be to see them, the second one was oh yeah… he’s not here anymore. But then I stopped anyway and shared the moment with him, with the kids, with God. It was a good moment.
from my iphone – I was pretty close to them.
I got some really positive news from a cousin who has been dealing with some pretty serious health issues and that was fantastic. It was a moment to celebrate and remember how important this tribe is, how we need to love and support each other all the time, unconditionally, in good times and bad.
And I did my healing light yoga today – that is always a happiness moment no matter what. I love how it puts me into balance, aligns me back with my Source, brings me to peace, and restores my strength. It’s pretty powerful stuff.
So, tonight I go to bed happy. I had several happiness moments today, but best of all I was just feeling the happy all day long. That’s what this is about – having more sunshine than cloudy days. But honouring the storms too – they are what gives the rainbows.
I have been in a really crappy mood the last couple of days. I don’t know why – nothing specific has happened, I just am not smiling. Sometimes things just get a little overwhelming and I think I maybe just need a few days of recharging – I’m not sure. I know I’ve been sitting in this huge energy shift the last few weeks, and while it’s full of good things it’s also new and tiring. So, I’m trying really hard to honour this feeling – knowing that it is something that is just passing through and not a permanent state.
This happiness journey has led me to understand that while I’m always seeking happiness, I’m not always happy. And that’s ok. All those other emotions are real too. I’m allowed to have them.
But, it does not mean that I don’t keep looking for a moment of happiness each and every day. In fact, I live a very blessed life and I have so much that I am grateful for that I can list off happiness bursts all the time. We are here, we are home, we have our tribe, I can see the mountains, I love our home, I have my friends around me, I kissed a horse, I hang with Derek… it goes on.
My happiness moment today was picking the girl up from school today and listening to her chat away about how much fun she had with her friends at school.
Jenna was born with a wonky toe. I remember it stood out because I did the quick check over on her as soon as I held her and asked the doctor right away. She said it was just how God had made her and that she was fine. And she is – that toe does not give her any issues at all.
Until this morning when she woke up in intense pain. I took her into the Urgent Care in Cochrane and they checked her out right away. I’m so thankful we have that place to go to – the care is excellent and it’s usually not that busy. Plus, there’s often some neighbour sitting in the waiting room who we can catch up with – today being no different.
They checked her out and said toe seems to have been sprained or strained or something but isn’t broken. That makes me happy. But, when I have to go seek medical treatment I always have a moment of gratitude and happiness that I’m back home in Alberta. I just have to show my health card and we are looked after. There’s no worry about getting a huge bill in a few weeks, or wondering if I’ll be able to afford treatment. I’m happy and thankful every day that we are back home – but a little bit more on days like this one.
I took the boy into the Italian Centre this afternoon to get some of what have become our house staples. How did we ever survive without having this as a semi-regular stop?
We were leaving the freezer section where entirely too much time had been spent deciding exactly what kind of gelato was needed when I turned around and Jacob was gone. A quick glance around and I saw him leading a father and his daughter towards the cheese section. I fell in behind them and listened to him telling them about his favourite kinds of cheese (there’s a reason we call him cheese boy). He described in great detail the tastes of several different options and managed to convince them to try his current fave – Oka . They thanked him for his suggestions, grabbed a thing of Oka and Jacob left them to the rest of their shopping.
As we were heading for the till he told me that he’d heard them standing by the deli section trying to decide what kind of cheese they wanted to try for supper. He said I knew I could help them because I’ve been training for this moment my whole life. He’s totally right – he has. The kid takes his cheese seriously.
Watching him be so excited about sharing his knowledge about a food he loves so dearly was my happiness moment.
eating this cake was also a happiness moment…. so good.
Derek the orphan calf moved out to the field a few weeks ago. While I have not missed the little presents he left in my yard (however they provided endless that’s bullshit jokes), I miss seeing his little face peering in my window looking for me to come give him cuddles.
I decided this afternoon it was time to go give dear Derek a visit so we headed out to the field. It apparently was nap time as he, Blindey, and the two cows they’ve been put with were all lying down. The other three got up and stared at me with caution (but didn’t move away) and Derek just perked his eyes up and stayed where he was. I went and sat beside him and we cuddled and cuddled for a good long time.
It’s important to note here that I am not a cow person. A horse, dog, cat, etc etc person yes – I’ve never really wanted to bond to a bovine. But Derek… oh Derek…. he captured my heart.
It was so sweet how he leaned right into my arms and really wanted those hugs so badly. Amazing how all us animals just want to be loved. Happiness moment right there.
As a bonus, when we got home Jacob played for me a couple of videos that had him laughing all day. We may have discovered the cure for depression – snorting, hiccuping, laughter.
No idea what he’s saying but omg is it funny
a man yodelling with chickens – what more do you need?
Every once in a while I get an unexpected life gift – they’re beautiful, extraordinary, and I cherish them in my heart forever. I got one of those blessings this morning.
I was sitting at Timmy’s with the boy having our usual quiet coffee time before school. Out of nowhere he told me that they had had an assignment where they were supposed to write about something that their parents had taught them.
He said: most of the other kids wrote about things like “my parents taught me how to brush my teeth”, but I decided hell no – I’m going to use this assignment to write something meaningful.
He went on to tell me that he wrote about how his mom taught him to always stand behind the people that you love. He said I remember when things were really bad at home and I was scared. When I was fighting, you would jump in and fight with me. You always had my back, you stood up for me even though it got you yelled at. You made me feel safe and protected. I learned that is how you love people.
I didn’t even know what to say. I often beat myself up feeling like I failed them in so many ways. It was heartwarming to hear his perspective on how he remembered things. I mean, terrible that he experienced them, but wonderful that he remembered there was love in the middle of all that.
I have been thinking a lot lately about the notion of unconditional love. I have written a bit about it. I was raised with it, I love my tribe with it. I’m still caught off guard when the people that I love put conditions on their love for me. But, my sincere hope is that my kids will grow up knowing how to give and receive unconditional love. Based on his story I would say that he’s well on that journey. I am so proud of him, and so touched by the unexpected happiness moment he gave me this morning.
On our way out of the house we were greeted with God’s light display sending us love and peace – something that has held me strongly throughout the day.
the view from my front yard
I always find these days before thanksgiving to be weird ones. I can’t believe it’s been 5 thanksgivings since the one that changed our family forever. When I feel like it’s taking forever for me to heal and get my shit together I look back at where I was 5 years ago and I realize how incredibly far I’ve come since then.
I’ve realized lately that I am walking into my own power and that no one has the ability to take that away from me anymore. There’s something so healing about finally realizing my own worth and understanding that it does not depend on anyone else’s opinion of me. Sacred trusts can be broken, brutal blows can be intentionally delivered and yet…. that safety and security that I’ve been seeking and creating for so long…. that continues to grow inside of me. Part of that comes from my own inner strength, part of it comes from the fact that I am blessed with this amazing tribe of people who hold me tight, most of it comes from God.
I continue to focus on creating a safe and secure home for my family. Tonight our home has a smell to it that has been missing for a couple of years. I’m baking bread again. Taking the time to slow down and purposely create the life that I want is leading to big changes once again for us. I love that. That is a happiness moment.
The elk have come back to the hay valley and we were greeted by them as we raced by on the way to school. That drive is the most amazing way to start the day.
Finally, after weeks of trying to get organized, the girl and I made it to church this morning. These past few months I’ve felt a real spiritual void and I wasn’t doing the right things to fill it. I know that for me the best way to do that is to step back, allow the quiet to come in, meditate, and just be with my tribe. Doing, or trying to make something work that does not flow easily, never works for me to get my spiritual mojo going. Sometimes I forget that.
The past couple of days I’ve been carrying around the book The Great Work of Your Life by Stephen Cope. I bought it on a trip to Kripalu a few years ago, read it, and loved it. Dharma, understanding what mine is and how it is to be of service to the world has been what has been niggling at my heart the past few weeks. So, I had the intention of getting that book read this weekend. I have not even opened it yet. And still, the theme of Dharma has been following me around. I can feel it brewing in my stomach (ignited in part thanks to my session with Asrael – that energy stuff is awesome).
I signed Jenna into her Sunday School class with the full intention of running across the street to Timmy’s to do some quiet reading. A very friendly lady came up to me, introduced herself, and invited me to join their women’s group. I was standing there trying to think of a reasonable sounding excuse to bail, when she said what the group was about. It’s called Shaped by God, and it’s purpose it to help this group of women come together to discover who we are, the purpose God has created for us, and how we can be equipped to serve according to our SHAPE (Spiritual gifts, Heart, Abilities, Personality, Experiences).
So, essentially I was invited to join a group of women where we could get together and discover our Dharma and then learn how to give that gift that God has given us to the world.
I can be pretty dense sometimes, but I’m learning to pay attention to these super obvious signs that God sometimes sends my way. I went to the group. It was fantastic.
One thing I really appreciated in the group was how the leader lifted up the introverts of the world. I find often when I’m in groups like this , the louder, more outspoken extroverts get a lot of time to shine while the quieter, more introspective, introverts often get lost in the shuffle. She praised how the introverts so often quietly sit and offer their gifts in such a way that it is not completely obvious, but usually so helpful and effective. As one who creates best when I come from a place of quiet peace I appreciated that.
Spiritual happiness.
I met a quieter need this afternoon when I went walking along the ridge. I’ve been missing Dad the past couple of days more and walking there where I’ve been with him so many times helped me reconnect to who he was.
Plus, there were horses there. I stopped and petted them for a while – then (and I’m not ashamed to admit this) I stood and smelled that wonderful horsey smell that was left on my hands. They bring me such incredible peace. Horses are how I’ve always connected best to my spirituality. Fall time happiness moment.
