Tag Archives: peace

happiness

Cake with my mom

Today is my mom’s birthday – being home is still fresh enough that I am so grateful for the fact that we get to be here and celebrate these events with our loved ones. There’s still that weird hole in our celebrations where Dad is supposed to be, but we come together all the same.

We had a family supper that was enhanced with the presence of my niece and nephew. They have been life long friends with my kids and when the four of them get together it’s hilarious chaos. It made the party that much better listening to their strange brand of humour.

I have spent the day thinking about what my mom has given me over the years. She has always shown me constant love and support –  I grew up knowing unconditional love because of how my parents loved us. I knew that no matter what I did or how I behaved they loved me because of who I was. The older I get the more I understand what a rare gift that is. When times get tough, my mom is always one of the first people to come forward and offer to help – no matter what it takes. I have watched her dig deeper than I would have ever thought possible to help out her loved ones. It makes me want to give that same gift to my tribe. There is something magical about knowing that someone has your back all the time – forever – no matter what. She’s also funny as hell.

My happiness moment – gathered around the dinner table – laughing – loving – being together – celebrating my mom.

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The week before

I always find these days before thanksgiving to be weird ones. I can’t believe it’s been 5 thanksgivings since the one  that changed our family forever. When I feel like it’s taking forever for me to heal and get my shit together I look back at where I was 5 years ago and I realize how incredibly far I’ve come since then.

I’ve realized lately that I am walking into my own power and that no one has the ability to take that away from me anymore. There’s something so healing about finally realizing my own worth and understanding that it does not depend on anyone else’s opinion of me. Sacred trusts can be broken, brutal blows can be intentionally delivered and yet…. that safety and security that I’ve been seeking and creating for so long…. that continues to grow inside of me. Part of that comes from my own inner strength, part of it comes from the fact that I am blessed with this amazing tribe of people who hold me tight, most of it comes from God.

I continue to focus on creating a safe and secure home for my family. Tonight our home has a smell to it that has been missing for a couple of years. I’m baking bread again. Taking the time to slow down and purposely create the life that I want is leading to big changes once again for us. I love that. That is a happiness moment.

The elk have come back to the hay valley and we were greeted by them as we raced by on the way to school. That drive is the most amazing way to start the day.

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Too many cats

I celebrated a birthday lunch today with a girlfriend whom I’ve known since forever. We both grew up doing the Pony Club thing and many of the shared fondness and horror stories – Robert Coates’ manure pile anyone?

Her past year has been a difficult, growing journey as well as she is letting go of her marriage. We talked about many things at our lunch – but one of them was the weird rebellion that the two of us went through at the end of our marriages. We know other women who have rebelled in many different ways – dating different men, building careers, being angry, feeling freedom – but we both ended up doing much the same thing. We celebrated by allowing dirty dishes to be left in the sink without worrying about getting in trouble, and by adopting cats. Then we laughed about what badasses we are. Which is funny because back in the day we used to actually be badasses – how did we ever allow ourselves to become so lost?

How can you not love these guys? They remind me all the time of what real love is.


The divorce thing is not a lot of fun, it’s painful for everyone involved. But I’m so thankful that there’s this smaller tribe of women in my circle who have been through the same thing and that we are there to lift each other up. Mostly though, I’m glad that I am back in an area where I have lifelong friends like this that I can celebrate the joys of life with.

It was a fantastic happiness moment – enjoying a beautiful fall day with a dear friend. We know so much of each other’s history. We reconnected this summer in a way that brought all of our defenses down and put us in a place where we rebuilt our friendship in a very raw and authentic way. There is a lot to be said for a friendship where both people simply accept each other exactly as they are and show nothing but loving support. All relationships should be like that.

 

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Shaped

Finally, after weeks of trying to get organized, the girl and I made it to church this morning. These past few months I’ve felt a real spiritual void and I wasn’t doing the right things to fill it. I know that for me the best way to do that is to step back, allow the quiet to come in, meditate, and just be with my tribe. Doing, or trying to make something work that does not flow easily, never works for me to get my spiritual mojo going. Sometimes I forget that.

The past couple of days I’ve been carrying around the book The Great Work of Your Life by Stephen Cope. I bought it on a trip to Kripalu a few years ago, read it, and loved it. Dharma, understanding what mine is and how it is to be of service to the world has been what has been niggling at my heart the past few weeks. So, I had the intention of getting that book read this weekend. I have not even opened it yet. And still, the theme of Dharma has been following me around. I can feel it brewing in my stomach (ignited in part thanks to my session with Asrael – that energy stuff is awesome).

I signed Jenna into her Sunday School class with the full intention of running across the street to Timmy’s to do some quiet reading. A very friendly lady came up to me, introduced herself, and invited me to join their women’s group. I was standing there trying to think of a reasonable sounding excuse to bail, when she said what the group was about. It’s called Shaped by God, and it’s purpose it to help this group of women come together to discover who we are, the purpose God has created for us, and how we can be equipped to serve according to our SHAPE (Spiritual gifts, Heart, Abilities, Personality, Experiences). 

So, essentially I was invited to join a group of women where we could get together and discover our Dharma and then learn how to give that gift that God has given us to the world.

I can be pretty dense sometimes, but I’m learning to pay attention to these super obvious signs that God sometimes sends my way. I went to the group. It was fantastic.

One thing I really appreciated in the group was how the leader lifted up the introverts of the world. I find often when I’m in groups like this , the louder, more outspoken extroverts get a lot of time to shine while the quieter, more introspective, introverts often get lost in the shuffle. She praised how the introverts so often quietly sit and offer their gifts in such a way that it is not completely obvious, but usually so helpful and effective. As one who creates best when I come from a place of quiet peace I appreciated that.

Spiritual happiness.

I met a quieter need this afternoon when I went walking along the ridge. I’ve been missing Dad the past couple of days more and walking there where I’ve been with him so many times helped me reconnect to who he was.


Plus, there were horses there. I stopped and petted them for a while – then (and I’m not ashamed to admit this) I stood and smelled that wonderful horsey smell that was left on my hands. They bring me such incredible peace. Horses are how I’ve always connected best to my spirituality. Fall time happiness moment.

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Alvin and the Chipmunks

The past few weekends seem like they have been busy, stressful, and hectic. Having a quiet day today was so welcome. It was rainy and kind of gross out which made it the perfect day to clean the house, watch movies, read, and nap.

I’ve become a lot more aware lately of where my energy is being directed, to whom I’m giving it, and how I want to use it. It’s amazing how letting go of things and people that drain me has opened doors to allow some pretty cool things to start to come in. That letting go that I struggle with so much – it has it’s benefits for sure!

Having the quiet time to meditate, study my Ayurveda, love on my kids has put my balance back where it belongs – grounded and centered.

Laughing tonight with my Jenna while we watched an Alvin and the Chipmunks movie and ate popcorn was a fantastic happiness moment.

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The energy shifts

I’ve been saying for the past few weeks that I felt like I was on the verge of a huge energy shift again. I don’t think I even realized that as I was saying I was on the verge that I was actually already shifting. The past couple of weeks have brought about some big changes, and I am pretty excited about the shifts that are taking place.

I had a session with my amazing Asrael today and we worked on allowing some of that energy to flow, understanding some of what it is, and letting some things go. I had a huge a-ha moment which seemed to have given me an answer to a what was the purpose of that happening question I’d been having. I get it, I get it, I get it, and now I know how to apply that knowledge so I can learn the lesson I was supposed to from it and empower myself. Because that’s what this shift is all about – stepping into my dharma. I love that – all this work over the past few years has been getting me ready for this space right now. I’m pretty excited about that.

Just knowing that and allowing the energy to flow has already brought about some huge and powerful changes. I had an intensely powerful spiritual moment during my session today. I’m not even going to begin to try and describe it, but just know that it brightened the core of my soul. My happiness moment.

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Tiramisu in the afternoon

I met my cousin today for a spectacularly wonderful lunch at an Italian restaurant in town (for those of you close to Cochrane – it was The Boot). Life is busy, but we are both at a stage where we are very clearly understanding the power and importance of these close friendships, so we make time about once a month to get together for a visit. This was the first one in a while that didn’t seem like it was rushed (or had sick tag along kids involved) and we could really just sit and focus on catching up with each other.

This kind of relationship is special for many reasons. We have known each other our entire lives, we share and understand (as much as one can) our unique family, we have had a genuine friendship since we were babies, and we have both been through some (very different) shit over the past few years that has made us really sit back and reassess our lives. It’s so nice to be able to have a conversation with someone about anything in my life and not have to explain any back story because usually she already knows most of it.

We talked about everything  today – kids, cows, family, relationships, faith, food…

The food was amazing by the way. And the owner comes from the same small town in Italy that my aunt does which made it extra enjoyable.


We laughed, we rolled eyes, we shared stories, we enjoyed our food, we split an awesome tiramisu…. we really enjoyed the warmth and love that comes from a genuine friendship. My happiness moment.

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Water bottle toss

Today was the epitome of Sunday Funday. Surprising since I went into the day with very little expectations of having any fun. 

I remain impressed how a change in my energy focus has completely changed my interactions with my people. I have had so much fun with my tribe this weekend. It makes me realize how important it is to focus on what is healthy and good for me. 

After a day spent getting mountain hugs in Canmore (and a fun surprise encounter with a cousin there), we had family Sunday supper. Always a favourite for me. And my favourite chef was on BBQ so you know we all left with happy bellies. 

After picking up my boy from a weekend with his aunt and family and driving home listening to his chatter about all the fun he had (a happiness moment) we stopped back at my cousin’s house so he could grab second supper 

When his meal was done the 4 kids started playing a water bottle toss game. You had to spin throw the bottle and have it land standing up on the counter. After a bit the competitive side of me came out and I had to join in. It was crazy, stupid fun – and we laughed and laughed and got overly competitive (a family problem). 

I say it all the time – but I would be lost without my tribe. How blessed am I. A deep, peaceful, happiness moment. 

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That’s what it’s all about 

I spent a lot of time today thinking about my community – not just my tribe, but the community that we live in. When we moved back I was very mindful about the fact that I wanted to make Cochrane our hometown. It has always been a community I have felt part of, even though we have always lived on the outside of it. 

With that in mind, we started building relationships with the people in town – making new friends (reacquainting with old ones), getting to know the people who work in the shops we frequent – the grocery store, the cafes, the pet store – developing a church community (still a work in progress). Every time we go into town we see people we know. For the kids and I who were strangers and foreigners for years, that is a really big deal. It means we are home, we have a place where we belong – there’s a lot of security and joy that comes from that. 

Then we also have the blessing of our big and crazy tribe. People get added to it and it grows, but the sense of peace that comes from it stays the same. 

Jenna has developed a strong friendship with a delightful girl from her school. It has begun a friendship with her mother and I. I think those kinds of friendships are the best – where the whole family develops a bond. 

The two girls are in the yard playing Star Wars with bamboo sticks. My favourite view from my house is the one out the kitchen window towards the barn. Usually it’s because I love the barn, I love the animals that usually are out there, but mostly it’s because that view gives me the feeling of home. When I looked out and saw them playing there I realized how much this has become home for the kids too. Happiness moment extrordinaire. 

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Peace Day

It’s been a long and sometimes difficult journey towards peace. Almost everything about the way I lived my life had to change in order for that peace to return to begin to return. And because life is funny and ironic, all of those changes brought me back to my home – back to where things began. I’m a better, stronger version of who I was when I left, but eternally grateful that we are back home once again. 

There is a certain peace that I find here at the ranch, surrounded by my tribe, that I have never been able to find anywhere else. Finding the grounding and peace in the support of my environment allowed me to turn within and understand that my true peace really comes from inside my soul, from my relationship with God. 

Remembering today  that amidst the chaos and uncertainty I can choose sit in my own quiet and peace is a powerful happiness moment. 

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